I STILL Hate You: Need I Say More?
by Hisa-Me Kurai
Summary: Yes, it's back. The remote of evil. With one minor compliction. Suo spilled coffee all over the schematics! It's erratic landings, compromising situations, and enough drinking to make and Irish sailor turn his head in shame! All in this sequel to a sequel
1. GROAN: Here We Go Again

(A/N: WOOT! A sequel to a sequel! Never thought that this would happen! And now, Without further adieu, **HERE'S CHAPTER ONE!**)

* * *

"**_Mmm_**…**nah!**" Fujioka Haruhi sighed, stretching her arms over her head, "**_Man_** today was exhausting!" 

"No more so than usual." Ohtori Kyoya said prudently, his pen flying away in the Ouran Host Club Ledger.

"What are you **TALKING** about?" Haruhi cried exasperatedly, "We had **_THREE TIMES_** as many customers as usual!"

"I'm with Haru." Hitachiin Hikaru declared, throwing an arm around her thin shoulders.

"You said it brother." Hitachiin Kaoru nodded in agreement, slinging his own arm around her shoulders.

"'m **sooo** tired." Haninozuka "Hunny" Mitsukuni moaned into Bun-Bun as Morinozuka "Mori" Takashi lifted his cousin onto his back.

"Tut tut, Haruhi." Suoh Tamaki chided, rose in hand (so shoujo manga), "As the Ouran High School Host Club, it our duty to-**_HEY!_ QUIT _MOLESTING_ YOUR _SISTER!_**"

Tamaki promptly flew into a panic upon seeing the close proximity ofthe Hitachiin Brothers.

"**MOM! _MOM!_ HIKARU AND KAORU ARE _MOLESTING_ THEIR _SISTER!_**" he screeched at Kyoya, arm flapping wildly as he pointed at the twins.

"How did I become the mother of three before the age of twenty?" Kyoya sighed, filing his paperwork away.

Haruhi sighed and walked out from under the Hitachiin Brother's arms and gazed out the window.

The entire day, she had the inexplicable feeling that something was gonna happen.

Something major.

Something **HUGE.**

She couldn't have been more right.

* * *

"Hurry it _**UP**_ Sora!" 

"'m **COMIN'!** **_YEESH!_**"

It had been three months since the Gundam Wing episode.

Life had returned to normal.

Aoki Sora's hair had grown out to the tops of her shoulder blades.

Sakai Hinode's was now to the middle of her back.

Kakyoin Akane's was now at the point where she had to move it out of the way before she sat down.

The Freakish Foursome had returned to life as normal too.

Aizawa Mannen went to college.

Goto Kazuo graduated.

Saiko Takaomi worked like a mad man in his place of business, **_"SCREAMIN' DEMON MOTORS"_** (I used this name in one of my deleted stories)

Miyazaki Suo buried himself in his work…as well as dabbling in a few other projects on the side.

Akane had chosen to repress the memories of the times with the G-Boys like the last time.

As stated previously, she was happier that way.

The only real difference was that, unless in circumstances of undo stress, Takaomi and Akane had given up smoking (…well…Akane's on the patch)

* * *

Currently, our two favorite otaku our on their way to the Miyazaki Estate. 

"I wonder what's so important?" Hinode wondered aloud as they dashed up the walk, "I mean, why the rush?"

"If Suo dared to pull us away from the final episode of _FAKE_, it'd **BETTER** be good." Hinode growled.

They barely raised their hands to knock when the door was thrown open.

It was Suo, with his one and a half year old son, Aki, peeking over his shoulder from his situation in the baby backpack.

"**_FINALLY!_**" He whooped, grabbing them both by the hands and dragging them inside.

"**WAK!**" They shrieked, as they were yanked off their feet and pulled roughly inside.

"I thought you guys had bailed on me!" Suo cried excitedly.

"Ow…my shoulder." Hinode moaned, "Suo, what's th' deal?"

"Hey Aki-chan." Sora whimpered, forcing a smile at the toddler.

"I just finished fine tuning it." Suo grinned, eyes sparkling.

"Fine tuning…" the Otaku Twins said slowly…

…before it dawned on them.

"**_YOU DID IT!_**" Hinode screamed.

"**SUO, _YOU_ DA _MAN!_**" Sora shrieked.

* * *

"No, no! Hold the applause!" Suo cried, waving his hands, "There's more." 

"More?" Hinode asked, bringing her victory dance to a screeching halt.

"Whaddya mean…more?" Sora inquired nervously.

"Well you see…" Suo began, twiddling his thumbs, "…I spilled coffee on a portion of the schematics so…the landing site will be sporadic. I have no idea where whomever we drag out will land."

"Well that sucks." Sora pouted, allowing Aki to squeeze her finger.

"No doubt." Hinode grumbled, playing with her hair.

"Well, if you wanna chance it, I'm game." Suo smirked, "It'd be a great research opportunity."

Sora and Hinode looked at each other then back at Suo.

"Akane's out…right?" they asked.

"At a skate park." He nodded.

"**Then let's _go_ for it!**" they cried, "We just missed the final episode of _FAKE_ to come here! So it'd better be worth our while!"

"The let's do this thing!" Sou grinned as he led them to the Rec. room.

"So…" he said thoughtfully, throwing open a pair of cabinet doors to reveal not even close to 1/16 of his anime collection, "…whaddya in the mood for this time?"

"Hmmm…" Sora mused, scrolling across the titles, all of them promising.

"**_Hey!_**" Hinode cried, pulling one off the shelf, "Howabout this one?"

""_Ouran High School Host Club_"." Suo nodded, "Good choice."

"**Ooo**, the tall one is**_ hot!_**" Sora grinned.

"I like the stud in glasses myself." Hinode smirked.

"Sorry, I'm spoken for." Suo quipped.

"**Not _you!_**" the Otaku Twins laughed.

* * *

"Hwuhh…'m leaving." Haruhi called over her shoulder. 

"**Haru!_ Haru!_**" Hunny cried, glomming onto her arm, "You said we could come over today! Riiight?"

"Huh?" Haruhi blinked, "Well I-"

"**Thaaat's _right_, Haru!**" Hikaru grinned, appearing on her left.

"**_Youuu _promised!**" Kaoru smirked, materializing on her right.

Mori nodded quietly, appearing out of no where.

"See? See?" Hunny smiled, "Mori remembers too!"

"It's true Haruhi." Kyoya nodded, "You said and I quote-"

"It's alright, Kyoya." Haruhi sighed, "I get it."

"Huh? **HEY!**" Tamaki cried indignantly, "You weren't thinking of leaving for Haruhi's humble abode without me, were you?"

"…didn't cross our minds for a second, Tamaki." Hikaru and Kaoru smirked.

"**_WHAT WAS THAT?_**"

"Hey guys…I feel weird." Haruhi murmured.

"Huh?"

The argument came to an abrupt halt.

"It was probably just something you ate." Kaoru said helpfully.

"No, I mean it." Haruhi said insistently, "I feel really we**EEYAAAAAAAAH!**"

Haruhi was lifted off her feet and rocketed towards the high ceilings at incredible speeds.

She wasn't alone however.

"**_WAAAAAAUGH!_**"

"**WHAT'S HAPPENING?**"

"…" (Mori)

"**_HIKARU!_**"

"**KAORU!**"

Just they were about to become human spitwads on the ceiling, they felt themselves phase through it.

* * *

Thinking it was all over, they chanced a look down… 

…only to see they were plummeting towards blacktop at incredible speeds.

"**_YIIIIIIII!_**" They screamed together, grabbing and clutching at one another in a futile attempt to prevent the inevitable impact.

"**WHOA!**" an unfamiliar female voice cried in shock.

_**-skshhh-**_

**_-BMMMM-_**

"Oh…oh wow…" Haruhi moaned, pushing Mori's knee out of her ribs.

"What just happened?" Tamaki asked no one in particular.

"I'm really not sure." Kyoya said, dusting himself off.

"**_WAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Hunny bawled, clinging tight to Bun-Bun.

"…" Mori said nothing but assisted the now sobbing Hunny.

"Well that hurt as much as I thought it would." Hikaru grimaced.

"We actually survived that?" Kaoru mumbled, "I don't believe it."

"Believe it." the unfamiliar voice from before said, not sounding at all happy.

The Ouran Host Club glanced up.

* * *

Skater shoes. 

Baggy Bermuda shorts that stopped below the knees, bedecked in chains and decals.

An oversized black, worded tee that read, _"STUPIDITY TAKES ITS TOLL: PLEASE HAVE EXACT CHANGE READY."_

Multiple chains and amulets around the neck.

An fingerless glove that went up to the elbow joint; another that stopped at the wrist.

Hip length, midnight blue pigtails.

A ball cap twisted backwards.

A skateboard tucked under her right arm.

"I'm gonna**_ kill_** that lousy fuck." She growled, "Why couldn't that 'tard just leave things alone fer once?"

"You mean…you know how-!" Haruhi began before the girl interrupted her.

"-you got here? Yes…unfortunately." She muttered, dropping the skateboard and launching herself off in the opposing direction, "Follow me, freaks. I'll take ya to a queef who has some serious explainin' t' do."

"Quite the mouth on her, huh." Kyoya smirked, shaking his head.

"What do you think?" Tamaki asked no one in particular, "Should we trust her?"

"Well…so far she just seems foul mouthed and foul tempered." Haruhi mused, "She hasn't done anything so far that untrustworthy."

"If Haru likes her, I like her too!" Hunny beamed.

Mori nodded, inclined to agree with his cousin.

"Well, like her or not, we'd better hurry." Hikaru grinned.

"Yeah! That girl waits for no one!" Kaoru laughed as they took off after her retreating form.

* * *

(A/N: What will happen when Akane confronts her brother? Will he unleash a secret weapon? Will the Host Club come to his defense? R&R to find out!) 


	2. Behold The Power Of Aki!

(A/N: HEYO! I'm still standin! Without further adieu, here's chapter two! WOOT!)

* * *

The Ouran Host Club stared, jaws agape, at the colossal manor before them as the strange girl in street clothes punched in the security codes on the gate's electronic keypad. 

It was giagantic.

It was enormous.

It was gianormous.

It made their own mansions look small by comparison.

Well…except Haruhi…who does not live in a mansion, so by default, her house is automatically several times smaller.

"This…is your house?" Tamaki asked, not meaning any offense (but really, come on, he's just asking to get slapped)

The unknown girl glared at him ferociously, causing the self proclaimed king of the Ouran High School Host Club to dive behind Hunny for protection.

"Yeah…gotta problem with that?" she snarled as the gate swung open (ya know, lying's a sin; it Suo's house not yours!)

The girl stalked forward, beginning the trek up the extensive walkway to the massive double doors.

"You know…you reeeeeally could use some sensitivity training." Haruhi said insipidly.

"Agreed." The Hitachiin Twins said together, snickering as their "Fearless Leader" continued his attempt to hide his six foot frame behind four foot nine Hunny.

"I…I see no reason for this blatant assault on your leader!" Tamaki sputtered defensively.

"This is coming from someone cowering behind Haninozuka?" Kyoya said, cutting straight to the point.

Tamaki then stalked over to a nearby tree and began to sulk…

…only to find him self on the receiving end of a punch to the cerebrum.

"OW!" He yelped gripping his head in his arms.

"Hurry it UP jackass!" the girl snarled, glaring if at all possible, even more sadistically than before, "I'm sick a waitin' fer you freaks!"

"Y-yes ma'am." Tamaki squeaked, shaking a bit under the force of her fury (it was palpable, really; you could taste it in the air.)

Mori patted Tamaki on the head as the French-Japanese teen whimpered all the way up the front steps.

"Here." Kyoya sighed, whipping out an overly loved stuffed toy, "Mr. Bear."

Tamaki took it and pouted as the Hitachiin brothers laughed at him having his ass handed to him by a girl.

* * *

"Huh…I wonder where they landed." Sora sighed, absentmindedly playing with Aki. 

"I'm a little worried." Hinode mumbled, lying flat on her back and reading an old issue of Shounen Jump.

"Don't worry." Suo said, not sounding too sure of himself as he typed away on his laptop, formatting a new game program, "I'm sure they'll be fine."

_"How do you know, you're so smart?" _they thought together, eyeing the twenty six year old, who flinched under their gaze.

**_-BAM-_**

"**WAH!**" Hinode cried, losing her grip on the manga magazine and fumbling with it.

"What was-!" Sora began as Aki began toddling off towards the direction of the noise.

"**_SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**"

"Uh…ohhhh." Suo said, chuckling nervously, as he snapped his laptop closed.

_"Looks like she found them."_ Sora mused, jogging out to the entryway.

_"Wonder if they're still alive?"_ Hinode thought worriedly.

* * *

"**SUO, GETCHER _PANSY ASS_ OUT HERE YOU _CHOAD!_**" Akane shrieked, storming through the front door after nearly taking it off it's hinges, "**I DON'T CARE IF YOU BELIEVE IN HELL OR _NOT_, BROTHER _DEAR_, BUT _THAT'S _WHERE I'M _SENDIN' _YOUR SORRY_ ASS!_**" 

Suo, in his panic, had decided to dart up the stairs and head for his lab.

Too bad for him the stairs were located directly in front of the front entryway.

"**AH-HAA!**" Akane screeched, leaping into the air.

_**-THUH-WAK-**_

"**_GLURF!_**" Suo choked out as her sneaker clad foot impacted with his jugular.

Grabbing his shirt front, Akane jabbed a quivering finger in the direction of the Host Club, jaws agape in the doorway.

"Alright." She snarled, "Start talkin'! **What th' _FUCK'RE_ those _FREAKS DOIN' HERE? _I _THOUGHT_ I'd seen th' _LAST_ of'm when I destroyed that _GODDAMN REMOTE!_**"

"Now Monkey, calm down." Suo wheezed out, hands raised defensively in front of his face, "I'm a **father!** Think of Aki!"

"**_ANSWER TH' GODDAMN QUESTION, WISEASS!_**" Akane bellowed.

"Ah, Monkey." Takaomi chided, walking through the Oruan Host Club members (home from work), "Still so naïve! Dya really think just cuz you trashed th' remote he'd trash th' schematics?"

He patted Haruhi on the head.

"Nice to meetcha by th' way." He grinned, "Th' names Saiko Takaomi."

"Uh..." Haruhi stared at him blankly.

Akane began to quiver with just barely contained rage.

**_-SNAP-_** (oop! pardon me! contained mo longer!)

"**YOUUUU SUNNAVA_BIIIIIIIIITCH!_**" Akane screamed, throttling her eldest brother.

* * *

"Shouldn't you help him?" Hikaru asked disinterestedly. 

"Yeah…preferably before she murders him?" Kaoru inquired.

"You probably have a point there." Takaomi grinned, scratching the back of his head, "Oh **Aki!** Yer Auntie's home!"

The one and a half year old toddled into the front entry way as Takaomi sidled out of the room (to his privategarage) and just as Akane was about to punch his daddy's lights out.

"Au'nie 'kane!" he said, walking over to her clumsily and grabbing her pant leg.

This brought her onslaught to a screeching halt, her fist only a millimeter away from Suo's nose (remember: weakness is anything small and cute)

Aki raised his arms, opening and closing his tiny fingers.

"Up?" he asked.

Akane's face softened and she dropped her brother(that hadta hurt)

"Hokay squirt." She smirked, hefting him onto her hip, "There ya go."

"Saved." Suo breathed, getting to his feet and running up the stairs, "I owe ya one, son!"

* * *

Seeing that it was now officially safe enough to come out of hiding, Sora and Hinode leapt out from behind a pillar 

"**_HEEE!_**" Hinode cried, gloming onto the officially freaked out Mori, "**_IT WORKED! IT WORKED!_**"

"**SUO, YOU RAWK, BABY!**" Sora whooped, glomping Kyoya uncomfortably close (for him)

"Hey, hey!" Hunny piped up, "What's goin' on?"

The two looked at Hunny…

…then pounced on him together.

"**_HEEE!_ You're just too cute!**" Sora squealed, rubbing her cheek against his.

"I'd kill to be **HALF** as cute as you!" Hinode purred, snuggling into his neck.

"Um…the question? Haruhi trailed off.

"Yer never gonna gat any answers outta those tweebs." Akane snorted, bouncing Aki a little.

"Tweebs?" Kaoru asked.

"Twin. Dweebs. Tweebs." Akane said blandly, before a slow smirk crossed her face, "Works for you just as well as it works for them…wouldncha say?"

"Rrr!" Hikaru growled.

"I'll give it to ya straight." Akane snapped, "I hate repeating myself so listen up cuz I'm **_NOT _**sayin' this again. My shithead brother broughtcha here via a transdimensional remote. It creates a wormhole and blah, blah blah, you get it."

She set Aki down.

"Go bug yer Uncle Taka fer awhile kay?" she asked.

Aki blinked up at her, nodded silently, then ran off clumsily.

Akane crossed her arms and faced them, eyes narrowed into slits.

"I'll be frank." She murmured, "I hate every last one a you. Just lookin' atcha ya makes me wanna toss my cookies. So do me a favor an' stay outta my sight."

Akane then walked out of the entryway, up the stairs, presumably to her room because moments later, a door was heard slamming shut.

"Hates us?" Tamaki murmured, "She hates us?"

"But **_whyyy?_**" Hunny sobbed.

"Don't cry Hunny!" Hinode said, "Please? Please? Pretty Please?"

"Come with us!" Sora smiled, sweeping her arms in the direction of the kitchen.

"Yeah! We'll explain everything."

* * *

(A/N: The Ouran High School Host Club hasa new mission! What is it? R&R!) 


	3. Operation Defrost!

(A/N: YAY! They fixed the glitch and I'm back in business! Now here's the next chappie, peeps! Can I hear a YEEEE-YAH?)

* * *

"And **_THAT'S_** why Aka-chan hates you!" Hinode and Sora finished (if ya want th' complete story, see the first saga, ch. 5)

"Wait, wait, wait." Kaoru said, disbelievingly, "Hold th' phone!"

"We're fictional in your world?" Kyoya asked shrewdly, adjusting his glasses.

"Do you really expect us t' believe that?" Hikaru snorted.

"Basically. Yeah." Sora and Hinode shrugged.

"And why is that?" Tamaki said snootily.

Sora and Hinode looked at each other and nodded.

"Cuz of **this**." Sora grinned, whipping out a DVD case.

The Ouran Host Club member's eyes widened at the sight of the title: _Ouran High School Host Club_.

"You guys have gotten to be **_really_** popular lately." Hinode smiled, watching Mori's face as he inspected his mug shot on the DVD cover.

"**Especially** among the male harem otaku!" Sora smirked, enjoying the self-satisfied look on Kyoya's face as he inspected his own screenshot.

"**_WOWWIE!_ NEATO!**" Hunny squealed, "**THAT'S _SOOO_ COOL!**"

"You bet it's neato!" Hinode grinned, giving him a big hug (they could do this allllllyear and never get bored.)

"**_Yeah!_**" Sora smiled, "You guys are bigger than _Hana Kimi_!"

"I have to say, they have a convincing argument." Haruhi smiled, taking in the screenshot of her father (pre-drag queenification)

"So you're sayin' you believe us?" they asked timidly.

Mori patted them on the heads by way of an answer.

"**YIPPEEEE!**" They squealed, glomping him tight, causing the silent giant to blush faintly.

"**Thank** **_GAWD!_**" Sora cried joyfully, "This is great!"

"It didn't take nearly as long as the G-Boys!" Hinode whooped.

"G…Boys?" Tamaki asked, looking truly puzzled.

"We'll explain later." The Otaku Twins said together.

* * *

_-ffff…-_

Akane exhaled a lungful of acrid gray smoke, staring off the balcony from her seat on the balustrade, a vexed expression etched across every line of her face.

"'ts been a long time since I've seen you light up."

Akane didn't even bother to look over her shoulder.

"Shuddup Taka." She snarled as the flame head came up beside her.

"Chill out, Monkey." Takaomi snickered, joining her on the railing, "'snot so bad."

"Sez you, Bird Brain." Akane growled ("Taka" means "Hawk", hence the nickname)

"Watch it, Baboon Butt." Takaomi grunted, slapping her thigh ("Aka" means "Red"; her nickname's Monkey…you figure it out.)

"**_Rrrr_**…" Akane snarled, glaring at him as he ruffled her hair.

"Relax." Takaomi smiled, "Don't give yerself 'n ulcer."

"…don't tell me what ta do." Akane sulked.

"**Sooo**, ya **_wanna_** hole t' burn thru yer stomach?" Takaomi grinned, thoroughly enjoying his little sister's "blonde moment".

A deep red blush spread across her pale face.

"…I'm only sayin' it once bro." She grumbled, face flushed with embarrassment, "Shuddup."

Takaomi threw his head back and laughed.

Akane leapt on top of the paling, and wrapped her arms up around his arms and pushed down viciously on the nape of his neck as she leapt back onto the balcony, catching him in a strangle hold.

"Who's…laughin'…**_NOW_**…**JACKASS?**" Akane snarled out between grunts, forcing his head forward and pulling up on his arm.

Takaomi continued (his now smothered) laughing as he kicked her legs out from under her.

"**_ACK!_**" She squeaked as she fell flat on her back, Takaomi falling next to her, alternating between snickering and gasping for air.

"Ahh…Suu-kun's…fav…I see…." He wheezed, still chuckling, "…thought…you we're…mad at'm."

"Just cuz'm royally T'd off at'm doesn't mean I won't use his moves." Akane snorted from place on the concrete.

"Dually…noted…" Takaomi smirked.

* * *

"You're planning to **WHUH?**" Hinode gaped, dropping the glass of grapefruit juice she was holding (thank god for plastic) 

Sora began choking on a mouthful of cupcake and was assisted by Haruhi and Mori.

"Yuh-you mind repeatin' that?" she gasped out in disbelief, eyes round with shock.

"It's quite simple really." Kyoya said, adjusting his glasses.

"**_Yeah!_**" the Hitachiin Twins grinned, "We're gonna win your friend over! No sweat!"

"I highly doubt that." Haruhi thought blandly (you...are on the right page there, girly -.-;;)

"That's right!" Tamaki boasted, "I refused to be despised for something as petty as the circumstances surrounding my birth."

"Hunny wants to be her friend too!" he cheered, "I don't like it that she hates me. It makes me sad."

He pouted childishly, hugging Bun-Bun to his chest.

"I wanna be friends with her!" he said stubbornly.

"**AWWW!**" The Otaku Duet cooed, "You're **_sooo_** sweet!"

"_Too bad that'll almost definitely never happen." _Hinode sobbed internally.

"_Waaaaaaaaaaaahh! This SUCKS!"_ Sora cried internally, withholding tears.

* * *

"Alright!" Tamaki declared, punching the air, "Operation Defrost is officially underway!" 

"Defrost?" Haruhi asked, blinking,"Why such an unusual name?"

"Well obviously that girl had to have a heart frozen in **ICE** to resist **_ALL_** of us!" Hikaru replied smartly.

"Hence the moniker!" Kaoru grinned, "Operation Defrost! We're gonna thaw her icy heart! get it?"

"Uh…guys?" Sora piped up.

"How do you know she has an icy heart?" Haruhi asked, "That's a pretty big assumption."

"Guys?" Hinode asked, a bit more urgently.

"How do **YOU** know she doesn't?" Hikaru shot back.

"_**Guys?**_" Sora asked again, a panicked edge in her voice.

"After the harsh way she treated everyone?" Tamaki snorted, "Especially myself and Hunny?"

"**GUYS?**"

"What is it ladies?" Kyoya replied, turning to face them…and going pale, "_**Ohhhh**_ dear."

Haruhi also saw the problem.

As did Mori, Hunny and the Hitachiin Twins.

But Tamaki, in the middle of a rant, didn't bother to turn around.

"…so when you take into account all those factors, there's nothing left but the obvious! She's cold hearted! Colder than the polar ice caps! It's as simple as that, Haruhi my dear!" Tamaki finished, turning around to face Haruhi…

…but finding himself face to face with an extremely T.O.'ed Akane instead.

* * *

Sora and Hinode had dragged everyone else off to a safe distance. 

Akane had been sent spiraling into a dimension of pissed off she hadn't seen since the G-Boys came to visit three months ago.

"**WHOOOO'S **cold hearted?" she snarled, cracking her knuckles.

"**_YIIIII_**…" Tamaki squeaked, cringing in fear.

"You know what?" Akane smirked sadistically, "I'm gonna show ya th' extent of my mercy…by givin' ya a five second head start!"

Tamaki didn't react at first.

"One…" Akane drawled, sliding a switchblade out of her pocket.

Tamaki took one look at it and was running like a deer.

"Two…" Akane sang, sending the blade shooting up with the touch of a button.

Tamaki was almost at the door.

"…**THREEFOUR_FIVE!_**" Akane roared, hurling the edge weapon at him.

It caught his shirt sleeve at the cuff, coming dangerously close to the main artery in his wrist.

"**HEEEK!**" He squealed, flailing around like a fish.

"Hehehe…" Akane cackled, cracking her knuckles and stalking towards the pinned millionaire, "…when I'm finished with you, death will seem like-!"

_**-ch-klnk-**_

_**-BM-**_

"Monkey…whadd're you doin'?" a smiling voice asked, interrupting Akane's spiel.

* * *

It was Mannen, back from a long day at college with Kazuo in tow. 

Akane looked from Mannen, to Kazuo.

"…nothin'." She said innocently, tugging the blade swiftly out of the wall, "And don't call me Monkey."

"Nothin' huh?" Kazuo snorted, taking in the members of the Host Club as well as its trembling founder, "Pretty big nothin'."

"Shuddup." Akane growled, sliding the weapon back into her pocket.

"I take it Suu managed to…?" Mannen trailed off, looking around and gesturing with his arm in a wide sweeping motion.

"Yuh." She grunted, walking over to join them.

"So I take it your day was-!" Kazuo began, draping an arm over his sibling.

"-a livin' nightmare." Akane finished, sighing deeply, walking up the stairs with them.

"While doncha tell us alllllll about it, mm?" Mannen smiled.

"…m;kay." Akane sighed, defeated.

* * *

"A swuh…a swuh-huh…a switchblade?" Tamaki managed, "Whuh-whuh…why is she…?" 

"Oh, I guess we forgot to mention she's a gang leader." Hinode shrugged.

"I'm surprised she didn't pull out her M-15." Sora said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, she did just get back from the shop." Hinode nodded.

"Didn't she say she couldn't wait to give it a test run?" Sora asked.

"I think so." Hinode nodded.

"Oh. Okay." Sora said.

The Ouran Host Club gaped at their calm behavior.

The otaku turned and looked at them.

"Anyhoo, we hafta be getting' home." The Otaku Twins said insipidly as they walked to the door, "We'll seeya later! Good luck, guys! You're gonna need it."

* * *

(A/N: Next chappie: The arrival of Suo's wife and a lil' game of "football". R&R!)


	4. Suo's WhorSTOP CALLING ME THAT!

(A/N: Hey all! Thank you all so much for being patient with me and for following my I HATE YOU series! Without further adieu, here's the next chapter!)

* * *

"A gang leader…" Tamaki moaned, head in his hands, "…of all the things in the world she had to be….it just **_HAD_** to be a gang leader." 

"You mean…you didn't figure it out until just now?" Haruhi asked, no malice in her voice.

"What do you mean?" Tamaki asked dimly.

"Well for one, she had a leather jacket with a rather sizeable gang emblem tied around her waist." Kyoya said astutely.

"Yup, me'n Mori saw it! Riiight?" Hunny asked his taller cousin.

"…" Mori nodded and said nothing.

"**Yup!** Same here! We saw it too!" Kaoru and Hikaru chimed.

"Same with me." Haruhi nodded.

Tamaki crouched down in a corner and sulked childishly.

"Hey…couldja knock that off?" Haruhi asked sheepishly.

**_-DINNDONNN-_**

"Huh?" Tamaki said blearily.

"What now?" Kyoya wondered aloud.

"**_HEY!_ SOMEBODY GET TH' _DOOR!_**" Suo yelled from his room.

"**WHY DON'T _YOU_ GET IT, _ASS MASTER?_**" Akane shouted back.

**_-DINNDONNN-_**

"**SOMEBODY GET THE _FUCKIN' _DOOR! _JESUS CHRIST!_**" Kazuo bellowed from the study.

"**FER TH' LOVE OF _GOD!_ WE'RE TRYNA STUDY!**" Mannen roared from the den.

**_-DINDONDINDONDINDON-_**

"**_FINE!_ I'LL GET TH' _GODDAMN DOOR_ YA LAZY _TARDS_**!" Akane shouted back.

There was the sound of a door being flung open roughly and striking a wall, followed by the appearance of Akane herself as she stormed down the stairs.

**_-DINDONDINDONDIN-_**

"**Rrrr!**" she snarled, thundering past the Host Club, and flinging the front door open with a bang, "**KNOCK IT** **_OFF_ ASSHOLE!**"

* * *

A woman of about twenty five stood there, finger poised to hit the bell again. 

She had shoulder length black hair, silvery eyes and wasabout nine invhestaller than our 5' 2" friend.

At a glance you could tell her profession by her overly skinny frame and almost total lack of boobs.

...no, she wasn't a topless dancer.

She was a model.

Akane took one look at this woman and let out and annoyed "Tch."

Stuffing her hands into her back pockets, Alane whirled around, shouting:

"**HEY _SUU-KUN!_ YER _WHORE'S _HERE!**"

"**_WHY _must you** _**INSIST**_ **on** _**CALLING ME THAT?**_" the woman cried as Suo walked down the stairs.

"You're the one who cheated, bitch." Akane snorted, "You have no right to decide what I call you."

"It only happened **once!**" She cried, "And we we're**_ separated_** then! It isn't even considered cheating!"

"Yeah, right…once." Akane snorted, rolling her eyes, "Keep on tellin' yerself that...Whore."

"Be that as it may, Monkey, would you please show a bit more…consideration towards my wife?" Suo asked tiredly, appearing at the foot of the stairs.

Akane looked up at him and frowned.

"Tell ya what." Akane smirked vindictively, "Th' day Th' Fucked Up Four stop callin' **ME** Monkey, is th' day I'll stop callin'**_HER_** Whore."

"Meaning never." The woman moaned.

"Damn straight." Akane growled, glare viciously at her, "Once a cheater…always a cheater. Just cuz Suo's a sweet, agreeable idiot when it comes t' you…doesn't mean I am."

* * *

The Host Club were, needless to say, shocked. 

"Whoa…protective much?" Hikaru whistled (they've never seen her brothers in action)

"And I thought you were bad." Kaoru nodded.

"And what's **THAT** sposda mean?" Hikaru growled.

"That you can be an over protective nut." Kaoru smiled, "What else?"

"I am **_NOT!_**" Hikaru snarled.

"Are **so-oh!**" Hunny sang.

Mori nodded.

"It's true." Tamaki sighed, fully recovered, "Ahh, brotherly love."

"Oh sure." Hikaru snorted, rolling his eyes, "Gang up on me why doncha?"

"Uh-oh." Kazuo snickered, breaking up the argument as he strolled down the stairs, "Get th' tranqs! Utako's in th' house!"

"Utako?" Haruhi asked, glancing at the doorway, "You mean that woman?"

"Mm-hmm." Kazuo smirked, "Yoshizumi Utako. A.K.A- Suo's wife. Akane hates her with a passion after she cheated on Suo with a photographer."

"**_Ahhh_**, I see." Kyoya nodded, "That would do it."

"Well, I better go grab'er before Monkey rips Uta-kun's face off." Kazuo snickered, "That would be pretty bad for th' girl's career."

* * *

Kazuo then dashed over to the entryway, ducked low and grabbed Akane around the thighs and heaved her over his shoulder like a sack offlour (…O.O;;…he pulled a Mori!) 

"**WAK!**" she shrieked, herball capflying off her head, pigtailed hair flying in her face, "**_KAZU!_**"

"**AND HE MAKES IT TO THE _TEN!_ THE _TWENTY!_ THE _THIRTY!_**" Kazuo boomed thundering up the stairs, down the hall and into the den where Mannen was still studying.

"What th' hell?" he wondered aloud as Kazuo thundered past ad hurled Akane into the sofa.

"**TOUCHDOWN!**" He whooped, pumping his fist.

"**_Ahh_**, I get it." Mannen sighed, closing his textbook on criminal psychology, "Utako must be here."

Akane started crawling off the couch when Mannen picked up where Kazuo had left off and hefted her over his shoulder again.

"**YOU _TURD!_**" She squealed, laughing now, "**Put me** **_DOWN_** **and get a _football!_**"

"**_PASS IT_ MAN-NII!**" Kazuo yelled, waving his arms, "**'M _OPEN!_**"

Shifting his younger sibling in his arms, Mannen heaved her to the blonde who charged out of the study, yelling:

"**_AND HE PASSES TO THE QUARTERBACK!_**"

"**A-_HA_ HA_ HA!_**" Akane laughed, as they streaked down the halls, "**Put me** **_DOWN_** **KAZU!**"

Mannen shot after his younger brother, hot on his heels.

Theirhomework lay forgotten.

* * *

The loud thumps, bangs, shrieks, laughing and crashes coming from upstairs worried the Host Club, but at the moment, they were too scared to move from their spot in the living room. 

_"Mannn…I hafta pee."_ Hikaru thought irately, _"This…is…so…stupid."_

_"Why haven't we moved?"_ Kaoru wondered, _"I mean, it's not like we've been restricted to this room ya know."_

_"'m really hungry."_ Haruhi thought to herself , _"I'd be starting dinner about now"._

"I wanna go **_home._**" Hunny sniffled.

"**Me too!**" Tamaki whined (ummm…guys? The plan?)

"Huh? Hey, whadd're you still doin' here?" Takaomi asked, entering the living room, a very sleepy Aki in his arms.

"Well we'd leave but we're not exact sure how." Kyoya said dryly.

"No, no." Takaomi laughed, "I mean, why're you still, like, in this room? Why haventcha moved?"

No one spoke.

No one was about to admit that-

"We're scared." Haruhi said, no malice or shame in her voice.

"Scared?" Takaomi asked, blinking as he shifted his slumbering nephew to a more comfortable position, "Of what?"

"Your sister." Hunny whimpered, holding tight to Mori and Bun-Bun.

* * *

Takaomi had to withhold a huge peal of laughter that threatened to burst free and wake his one-year relative. 

"Don't worry." He snickered, "By th' sound of it, she's otherwise distracted. And me'n my brother's will make sure nuthin' happens to ya. Promise!"

"…okay…if you're sure." Tamaki said nervously, fingering the hole in his sleeve.

"Positive." Takaomi grinned, crossing his fingers undercover of his armpit as he shifted Aki again.

"And now…time for food!" he whooped.

"**_YAY!_**" Hunny whooped.

"It is about time for dinner isn't it?" Kyoya stated.

"**Alright!**" Kaoru cheered.

"**_'bout time!_**" Hikaru hooted.

"Ahh…I can hardly wait!" Tamaki sighed.

_"For once, I agree with him."_ Haruhi mused, suppressing a laugh.

"Oh **Monnnnnnkey!**" Takaomi called up the stairs in a singsong voice, "It's-your-turn-to-make-**_dinnnnnn-_ner!**"

"**I'd already be** **_MAKIN' IT_ if these tards would put me down!**" Akane squealed as Mannen ran down the stairs,Kazuo hot on his heels, the short teen slung over theraven hairedboy's shoulder, "**And _DON'T _CALL ME _MONKEY!_**"

"Alright guys, put'er down." Takaomi said, clapping his hands sharply, "Thunder Thighs is on kitchen duty tonight."

Akane shot a glare in Takaomi's direction as Kazuo set her down.

"Fuck you, Shrek." She snarled.

Takaomi's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to say something…

…only to have it clamped shut by Mannen's hands.

"Taka? Unlike you, we wanna eat sometime this century." Mannen smirked.

"Yeah, cool it." Kazuo snickered, ruffling Akane's hair.

* * *

"_Fwuhhh_…" Akane sighed loudly, walking towards the kitchen, "Whatever. Any requests?" 

"**INDIAN!**" Kazuo shouted.

"**_SZECHUAN!_**" Mannen hooted.

"**MM-MNNN!**" Takaomi cried from beneath Mannen's palms.

Akane snorted at him and gave him a tiny smirk.

"Move th' hands and try again, numbnuts." She snickered.

Shoving the hands away, Takaomi said loudly:

"**_Cajun!_**"

There was a complete silence.

A three way dead heat.

"Roshambo for it." Akane shrugged, "Since yer all so indecisive."

Shooting murderous glares at one another, they formed a small circle.

"**ONE!**"

"_**TWO!**_"

"**THREE!**"

"**_SHOOT!_**"

"**HA! ROCK CRUSHES PAPER,_ LOOOOOOSERS!_**" Takaomi whooped.

"**Aww.**" Mannen and Kazuo sulked.

"Cajun it is." Akane smirked, striding into the kitchen.

Akane slipped on an apron (…Akane…in an apron?…the world is ending isn't it?) and walked over to the counter, an malevolent smirk dancing on her lips.

"Cajun, Cajun…oh th' fun I can have with Cajun." Akane snickered to herself, extracting a knife from the knife rack.

* * *

(A/N: Fun with food,Operation Defrostbegins -I have an omnious feeling-and a bet between Utako and Akane of an...unusual sort. R&R!) 


	5. Fun With Food & Utako's Challenge

(A/N: Woot! You like me! You really, REALLY like me! Yaysies! And now, on with the chappie!)

* * *

"**Halright!** Dinnah is suhvd!" Akane declared as the Host Club and the Questionable Quartet, plus Utako and Aki, gathered around the dining room table, "Akane's Super Spicy Cajun Piroschki's, Jambalaya, Red Beans and Rice, Cajun Fried Turkey, and of course-!"

Akane hefted a huge vessel onto the table with a loud **_-THM-_**, causing the plates, glasses and silverware to shudder.

"**ALRIGHT!**" Suo hooted.

"Crawdads." Akane smirked.

The livewire gang leader served everyone up, the Ouran High School Host Club included, then took her seat next to Takaomi.

"**_ITADAKIMASU!_**" They cheered, taking bites that were bigger than their mouths would allow.

"**HNPH!**" Tamaki choked out through a mouthful of food, eyes wide in panic.

"**_HLGRF!_**" Kyoya gagged, face reddening, tears streaking down his cheeks.

"**NNNN!**" Hunny squealed, waving his hands frantically.

"_**MMPH!**_" Hikaru shouted, unable to spit the food out fast enough.

"**HOT!** _**HOT!**_ **HOT!**" Kaoru shrieked, frantically chugging down his water, only to spit it back out.

"**IT _BURNS!_ IT _BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS!_**" Haruhi screamed, clawing at her mouth.

"…" Mori said nothing and continued eating his food as though nothing was wrong.

"Remind me t' add milk t' th' grocery list." Akane smirked, eating her own food calmly, "We're fresh out."

"Whaddid you do, Monkey?" Mannen snickered, watching the scene unfold before his eyes.

"Well by the smell of it…" Suo said, sniffing the air, "…she 'accidentally' spilled an entire bottle of jabanero sauce on each of their plates."

"Sharp as always Suu-kun." Akane smirked, breaking a particularly large crawdad in half.

"That wasn't nice!" Utako cried, shooting out of her chair (she hasn't touched her food, otherwise she would have known about the two bottles Akane "accidently" spilled on her plate).

"Did I ask fer yer opinion, Whore?" Akane drawled, slurping up the innards of the crawdad.

Mori finished the contents of his plate and extended it to Akane.

"Well lookie there, sis!" Kazuo grinned, "**He** likes it!"

Scowling at her brother and glaring at Mori, she stalked around the table, refilling his plate.

Shoving it across the table at the ever silent teen, she sat down sulkily,

Mori took one bite and spit it out.

Akane's face broke into a wicked grin.

"Spicy didn't work." She chuckled, dumping half a bottle of jabanero sauce on her Piroschki, "So I loaded it down with salt."

"**_Niiiice._**" Takaomi smirked, giving his half-sister a squeeze, "That's mah girl."

"I learned from the master." she sneered, poking him with the crawdad's claw.

* * *

A half an hour of agony later, the elusive milk was unearthed (she hid it in the last place they'd look: in the fridge) the Ouran High School Host Club was restored to their former health (if somewhat singed) 

"Okay." Tamaki said a little uncertainly, "Is everyone ready to move forward with Operation Defrost?"

"I guess." Kaoru and Hikaru sighed.

"How shall we proceed with this then?" Kyoya asked officiously, "She's obviously not like our standard customer."

"She's not even a customer." Hikaru and Kaoru snorted.

"I'm with you there." Tamaki nodded, cupping his chin, "This **IS **a problem."

"Well, **_I_** for one, really don't think it will work." Haruhi sighed, "Consider me a spectator."

"Need I remind you of your debt, Miss Fujioka?" Kyoya asked shrewdly.

"No." Haruhi sighed, "But I already know this plan is gonna fail."

"Be positive, Haru!" Hunny smiled, "We can do it!"

Mori nodded in agreement with his cousin.

_"Wish I was as sure as them."_ Tamaki, the Hitachiin Twins, and Kyoya thought together.

"But how are we even gonna go about doing this?" Kaoru drawled, "We don't even know her likes or dislikes."

"Yeah." Hikaru smirked, "All we know about her so far is that she's a prankster, a gangster, and a violent biatch."

"Did you even think this through Tamaki?" Kyoya asked coolly.

Tamaki started to sweat nervously.

"We'll figure something out." Haruhi sighed tiredly.

"**THAT'S RIGHT!**" Hunny cheered.

Mori nodded.

Both had managed to miss her total lack of enthusiasm.

* * *

Akane was in her bedroom, getting dressed for clubbing/mosh pitting (she was never one to be choosey) and chatting on speaker phone with Hinode and Sora. 

**_-"I can NOT believe you DID THAT!"- _**Sora's voice shrieked out of the speaker.

**_-"I can."-_** Hinode sighed.

"Hey, they're still alive." Akane snorted, slipping a top over her head, "A little pain…_mph_…never killed anyone."

**_-"So far."-_** Sora muttered.

"Yeah, there's still time." Akane snickered slipping on her footwear for the evening.

"Akane, don't hurt'm too much, kay?" Hinode asked, a pleading edge in her voice.

"Hey, I'll be out for th' evenin'." Akane said sardonically, "They'll live."

**_-"You promise?"-_** Sora pressed.

"I **promise!** I **_promise!_** **Yeesh!**" Akane cried, as a car pulled up out front and started honking loudly.

"**_Shit!_** That'd be Boomer and Ice Pick." She said quickly, "I'll seeya t'morrow."

**_-"Kay."-_** Sora said, **_-"Have fun."-_**

**_-"Bye girl!"-_** Hinode called as Akane hung up.

* * *

The Host Club was still deliberating when Akane strode down the stairs in a skin tight, black worded crop top that read: _"HELL WAS FULL. SO I CAME BACK."_ across the back in red outlined letters surrounded by hellish green flames. 

A very short, dark denim mini skirt graced her hips, and her newly modified M-15 was strapped to her thigh (what else she was packin' and where, we'll leave to your imagination.)

A pair of black combat boots were on her feet and a pair of black armbands with red lacings were on her arms.

The pigtails remained as is.

At the sight of the outfit, Tamaki couldn't help but daydream momentarily about how wonderful his dear Haruhi would look in that outfit (umm…since when was she yours?) before catching sight of the firearm strapped to her thigh and quaking in fear.

"**SUO!**" Akane yelled out, "**'M _GOIN'_ _OUT_!**"

"When will you be back?" He called from the next room.

"Later!" She called, lowering her voice somewhat.

"Will you call and check in?" Suo called.

"Maybe!" Akane shrugged as she opened the door.

"**Tch!** Typical." Utako snorted, appearing from the library, "All whored out as usual."

Akane looked up at the model and sneered.

"This comin' from you?" she snickered, "Oo, you've cut me t' th' quick!"

Utako's face reddened, but she maintained her composure.

"You'd certainly never catch **_ME_** in rags like those." Utako snorted haughtily, "If I paraded around like **THAT**, my modeling career would never have skyrocketed like it did!"

"Like I care ya skinny bitch." Akane drawled, "Yer holdin' me up. Either get t' th' point, or get outta th' way."

"I have a proposition for you." Utako smiled nastily, "Two days from now, I have a photo shoot for the cover of _FRUiTS_ magazine. However, there's no guarantees that I'll be the covergirl as I'm in competition with two other models."

"Get t' th' point, Whore." Akane snapped, "Ice Pick aint a patient person. Neither am I fer that matter."

"I bet **_you_** can't land th' cover." Utako sneered, "I can work it so you can be in the shoot, but with your attitude? **Pfft!** I know you'll blow it."

"Oh…really?" Akane snarled, glaring ferociously, "I'll blow it, huh Whore? **_Fine!_** **YER ON!**"

The car out side blared it's horn impatiently as Akane stormed out the door.

* * *

The Host Club just stared, temporarily at a loss for words. 

"Um…okay." Haruhi said slowly, getting to her feet, "You know what? I think I'm gonna go tto bed."

"Me too." Hikaru nodded.

"Same here." Kaoru chimed.

"Can I bring Bun-Bun with me?" Hunny asked.

Mori hefted Hunny onto his back after giving a slight nod.

"Well, it is a bit early, but today has been trying." Kyoya agreed, "I'll allow it." (HEY! WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?)

Tamaki stared after them as they wandered up the stairs.

"**WHAT ABOUT THE _PLAN?_**" He yelled, dashing after them, "**DON'T _LEAVE_ ME _HERE!_ WHAT IF SHE COMES _BACK?_ WHAT IF SHE USES THAT _GUN _ON ME KYO-!**"

_**-THWUNG-**_

A vase collided with the Host club president's head.

"Shut yer hole." Kazuo growled at the top of the stairs, "You'll wake Aki up."

* * *

_-The Next Morning...-_

Tamaki arose bright and early at 6:32 a.m. and set to work waking the other members (who aren't morning people)

When he finished his task, he had managed to escape with a rather set of large bumps on his noggin (courtesy of the twins)

"Awwwwwn...I slept great...until a certain someone woke me up." Kyoya said shrewdly, rubbing his eyes as they walked down the stairs.

"Whose smart idea was it t' set up a 6:30 wake up call again?" Hikaru and Kaoru yawned.

Kyoya snapped his mouth shut.

"'m shtill shleepy." Hunny whined into Mori's shoulder, Bun-Bun hanging flaccidlyfrom hisright hand.

Mori said nothing.

He'd been up since five practicing kendo and was wide awake.

"Nnn...so tired." Haruhi muttered woozily, eyelids drooping, "Why're we up again?"

"To move forward with Operation Defrost of course!" Tamaki scolded.

"This early in the morning?" Kaoru groaned exasperatedly.

"Without any information?" Haruhi mumbled crossly.

"You don't have a clue, do you?" Hikaru grumbled irritably.

Tamaki slunk into a corner and sulked asd the rest of the Host Club, knowing that going back to sleep would be impossible, tromped down the stairs.

* * *

"Well lookie here." Kaoru chuckled at the sight that met them as they entered the living room. 

"Dya think someone had a good time?" Hikaru snickered, observing the scene as well with great amusement.

It was Akane, sprawled out on the couch, out like a light.

She hadn't taken her boots off and it looked at though she had crashed and burned in the middle of taking down her left pigtail.

"Whaddya think?" Hikaru smirked, "Should we wake her up 'our way'?"

"An excellent idea brother!" Kaoru grinned, "I couldn't have thought of a better one."

"Not th' best idea t' threaten someone with a gattlin' gun under their pillow." Akane muttered, eyes opening in narrow slits.

"Aw." they pouted, setting the fish bowl back on the table.

Akane wiped a river of saliva off her face and finished the task she fail to complete before and tugged her hair out of their pigtails.

When she glanced at the clock she nearly did a double take.

"**_FUCK_** **it's early!**" she cried, "What th' **hell **are you doin' wakin' me up before noon durin' **summer vaca**, _**ASSHOLES?**_"

"Summer?" Kyoya murmured.

"Vacation?" Tamaki gaped.

Glaring at them, she jabbed a finger behind them.

Mori turned around slowly and retrived a hanging calender off the wall.

"...July 2.." Mori muttered.

"WHAT?"

* * *

(A/N: The Ouran High School Host Club learns about the joys of time skips and different dimensions. And it's a battle between The Gangsta and The Cheater on the cheaters home turf: The Catwalk! Who will win? R&R!)


	6. Time Slips & Bengal Tigers

(A/N: Hey all!I took extra long on this chappie! Enjoy!)

* * *

"July?" Haruhi gaped, "How can it be July?"

"It's only February **_Third!_**" Tamaki cried, "Early spring!"

"**How th' _HELL_ could it jump from bein' _early spring_ to th' _middle of summer?_**" the twins yelled.

Akane squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears, a vein pulsing in her temple from the raging hangover brought on by last night's drinking contest.

She wanted to grab the statuary of the end table and beat them unconscious and end the trumpeting stampede of elephants rampaging through her skull…

…but that impulse soon passed when she realized that if they continued in this vein, they'd rouse her brothers.

_"Fun, Funner, Funnest."_ She thought happily through the throbbing pain, withholding a sadistic smirk.

Without giving them any sort of answer, she switched herself of the sofa and strode out of the living room and into the kitchen, managing to keep the contents of her stomach exactly where they belonged.

"Excuse me." Kyoya said coolly, "Where are you going?"

"**WHAT'S GOING _ON?_**" Hunny cried, clinging to Mori, "**I'M _SCARED!_**"

"…" Mori said nothing but hefted his cousin onto his back.

"**SHUT _UP!_**"

_-fyunn-_

**_-THWOK-_**

"**WAAAAAAAUGH! WHY ALWAYS _ME?_**" Tamaki howled, clutching the area of his skull the unopened can of Kirin had smashed into (…O.O…he's still alive?)

The rest of the Host Club whirled around to see a very irked Kazuo, a truly ticked Takaomi, a surly Suo with sobbing son in arm, and a infuriated Mannen.

"**YOU WOKE _AKI!_**" Suo roared, "**I'LL _NEVER _GET HIM BACK TA SLEEP!**"

"**DO YOU _KNOW_ WHAT _TIME_ IT IS YOU _TARDS?_**" Takaomi bellowed.

"**_WAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Aki wailed.

"**_WHAT_ IS _WRONG _WITH YOU, _ASSHOLES?_**" Mannen snarled.

"**SIX THIRTY IN TH' _FUCKIN' MORNIN'!_**" Kazuo yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

In the kitchen, Akane smirked against the mouth of the ekiyabe bottle.

"Heh hehe!" Akane snickered through the disgusting tasting fluid.

* * *

After having their ears chewed off for thirty minutes and pacifying the bawling Aki by passing him to Akane (…O.O…surprise surprise) the Host club and the Fucked Up Five sat down to a **VERY** early breakfast...well...early for them. 

"So you're saying that because of the different dimensions we're in different time zones?" Kyoya asked calmly, spreading marmalade on a piece of toast.

"Even though we're still in Japan?" Haruhi pressed.

"Mm-hm." Kazuo mumbled numbly, sloppily pouring coffee and scalding half of his hand.

"Basically…yee-yeah." Mannen grunted into his arms, waiting for the bacon to come his way.

"So ya better get used to th' change quick." Akane snapped, taking a large swig of mimosa as she fed Aki cut up bits of sausage, "Cuz yer stuck here fer a **_lonnnnnng _**time."

"Long time?" Hikaru choked, struggling to swallow a mouthful of pancake.

"How long is a 'long time' exactly?" Tamaki asked warily, setting down his tea.

"Suo gave me th' lowdown late last night so I could have my blow out**now** rather th'n later." Akane growled, contorting her face in disgust, "I guess you **_DIDN'T_** here me trashin' over five mill worth of Suo's crap last night. To be blunt, yer stuck her fer two fuckin' months."

All at once, every member of the Ouran Host Club dropped their cutlery.

"God, somebody just shoot me now." Akane muttered, "Hey Aki? Can you shoot auntie now? Right between th' eyes so I don't hafta suffer?"

She looked directly at her nephew who apparently found this quite funny and began laughing through a mouthful of applesauce.

"Months?" Kaoru sputtered, ignoring the bits of egg dribbling down his shirt.

"Please, tell me she's joking?" Tamaki whispered.

"Why would I joke about somethin' I **loathe**, shit-fer-brains?" Akane drawled, playing with Aki's feet.

"Monkey's telling the truth." Suo sighed, setting down his fork ("Don't call me Monkey."), "I have to make several adjustments to ensure the landings aren't so sporadic and it will take awhile. To be truthful, two months was ony a rough guess. You could be trapped here as long as three or four."

"Tuh-riffic." Akane growled, shooting a poisonous glare across the table at Suo, "Fan-**_fuckin_**'-tastic. My life's gonna be **hell** for ex number of months cuz you and those Animanga luvin dips are obsessed."

Suo smirked.

"Forgive me sister dear."

"**_Fuck _**no." Akane snarled, sending him a glare that could kill lesser men, "I break th' damn thing, I destroy that hellish thing you dare t' call a remote and yet ya still won't quit. Wise ass bastard."

"If you forgive him, I'll take ya to that Gackt concert." Takaomi taunted.

Akne shot her brother a very torn look, which was replaced by a look of seraphic calm.

"Throw in skydiving lessons and ya've gotta deal." She said calmly.

"Deal." Mannen grinned.

Akane glanced coolly in Suo's direction.

"I forgive you…I guess." She muttered as she got to her feet, shooting daggers at the Host Club, who quickly looked away, as she stalked up the stairs.

"Two months?" Kaoru muttered, "With **THAT?**"

"This is a nightmare." Tamaki mumbled, "I wanna wake up now."

"Mori, I'm **_SCARED!_**" Hunny howled, diving for his taller cousin.

Haruhi accepted it, wondered if her dad would freak, and continued to eat her waffles before they drowned in syrup.

Mori said nothing, but offered his shorter cousin Bun-Bun.

Akane glared at the ceiling of her room.

She only had today to ready herself.

She had no earthly way of knowing what the theme of the shoot would be.

"Well **this **sucks." Akane sighed, staring at the ceiling, "…I need ta shoot somethin'. I should go to th' range."

* * *

_-Later That Day…-_

**_-DNNDONNN-_**

"**Kazu!** Get th' **_door _**wouldja?" Akane yelled, "I'm elbow deep in baby shit!" (true cuz she in the middle of changing Aki's diaper)

"Sure thing, Monkey." Kazuo grinned, strolling to the door.

"Unless you wanna eat baby turds, you'll knock that off right now!" Akane growled threateningly from the other room.

"Yes ma'am." Kazuo smirked, opening the door.

It was Hinode and Sora (what a surprise -rolls eyes-)

"**Hi!**" Sora smiled, glancing around, "Are they okay?"

"Physically, yes." Kazuo grinned, "Psychologically, I'm not so sure."

"Whaddya mean?" Hinode asked, looking a little worried.

"See for yerself." Takaomi chuckled, coming down the stairs, "They took th' news **_preeeetty _**hard."

"**What **news?" Sora asked, her voice raising in pitch.

Mannen came in from the kitchen, a can of juice in hand, and gestured to the den, a smirk on his face.

Now **_VERY _**concerned, the hurried into the den.

"**HEEK!**" Hinode and Sora shrieked.

The Host Club (well…most of them), were in a state of absolute depression.

"Two months…" Tamaki mumbled, staring listlessly at a wall, "Twooooo…monnnnnthssss…"

Hikaru and Kaoru weren't really talking, just babbling unintelligibly.

Hunny whimpered into Bun-Bun and rocked back and forth.

Mori and patted his cousin on the back, worried about his family member, but was really unmoved by the whole situation.

Kyoya and Haruhi sat on the sofa, reading books, totally unaffected.

"We need to get them girls and **_STAT!_**" Sora cried.

"**Quick!** Rally the troops!" Hinode yelled.

* * *

_-Next Day…-_ (jeez, whadda skip!) 

The Host Club's fallen member quickly recovered after the Otaku twins had dialed up an army of their brethren.

The afternoon had been relatively calm and while Akane had glare viciously at them and made sure they were in visual range when she cleaned her firearms, she never engaged them so long as Hinode and Sora were present.

Which was pretty much constantly.

Taking note of this, they made sure to never be out of their company as Akane's hair-trigger temper seemed set to go off at any second.

They couldn't imagine why (note the sarcasm)

There were a few instances when Sora and Hinode had to go to the bathroom and Akane managed to isolate members and beat the tar out them for a few minutes until they returned, eyes wide and filled with sympathetic tears for their bishounen idols.

But after the two had to leave for the evening, the gloves had come off and Akane had used them as moving targets until she had fallen asleep with her .425 Casull Taurus Raging Bull Revolver in hand.

Now it was ten a.m.; still way earlier than Akane usually roused herself, but she really had no choice.

Today was the day she made good on her bet with that Whore, Utako, the of the photoshoot and she had to be on site by one.

If there's one thing Akane's not, it's tardy to anything.

"Hey Monkey! Where're ya goin'?" Takaomi asked, bouncing Aki on his knees.

"Somewhere." Akane drawled, opening the door, "And if ya value yer life? Don't call me Monkey."

"Well, take our guests with you!" Mannen snickered, "Be a gracious hostes-!"

"I. Will **_NOT_**. Take those** FREAKS**. **_ANYWHERE!_**" Akane snarled, making indents in the door where she was gripping it too tightly.

"You'll do as your told or I'll melt your guns down for scrap." Suo said indifferently.

Akane heart skipped a beat.

"**Rrrrr**…**_FINE!_** Tell'em t' move it! I can't be late!" she snapped, stomping out the door.

"_Oooo, bro, I'm gonna get you fer this one."_ Akane thought viciously as the Host Club dashed after her, _"I'm gonna pull out all th' stops!"_

Smirking to her self she sang softly:

"Just say you'll be they-air!" (see ch.14, Series 2)

_"Huh…"_ Haruhi thought to herself, _"Wonder what that was all about?"_

"Where're we goin" Hikaru asked loudly.

"You'll see." Akane growled, "Ask me again and I'll take great pleasure in sewing yer lips shut."

Hikaru clapped both hands over his mouth.

Kaoru began to chuckle.

"So Chuckles thinks he an exception to th' rule?" Akane smirked venomously.

Kaoru shook his head violently: no.

"That's what I thought." Akane snickered, continuing on her way, "Just keep up and shut up."

"She so scary." Hunny whispered to Haruhi.

"Hold me!" Tamaki begged, holding out his arms.

"No." Haruhi said shrewdly.

"This looks as though it's shaping up to be another interesting day." Kyoya smirked.

Mori nodded in agreement.

"Definitely." The Hitachiin Twins grinned, "Sheesh, whadda livewire."

* * *

_-Later…-_

"Well, I'm surprised!" Utako sneered as Akane appeared on site at least an hour early, "Ready to be royally served?"

"Shut up, you miserable toad." Akane growled dismissively, "I'm tryna hear th' director."

Utako scowled in a disbelieving way, as though she couldn't believe Akane didn't see her as a threat, before turning to listen to the director.

"Alright girls!" he smiled, "As you can see, we have a beautiful tropical ambiance today. I know what your thinking: sultry beach beauties. But unfortunately, you'd be completely off base."

Looks of disbelief crossed four out of five models faces; Akane smirked.

Why the other four had chosen to ignore the gargantuan container covered in a white sheet behind him was anyone's guess.

"Today, you'll be posing as-!" He said, whipping the sheet off the massive container behind him.

"Oh _**wow!**_" one model breathed.

"No way!" another gasped.

"Amazing." The third whispered.

"You've got to be kidding me." Utako said in disbelief.

"**I_ KNEW_ IT!**" Akane laughed.

"-wildcats of the Amazon!" he declared as the big cats in the cages behind him paced around impatiently, "Each of you was given a number at random when you arrived on site. Take them out now please."

Reaching into their purses, and in Akane's case pockets, they dug out the slips.

"Number one? You'll be posing with and made up as the panther." The director (whom I'll now be referring to as Soubi) declared.

"Nice." The model (whom we'll call Yuiko) grinned.

"Number two? You're the graceful leopard." Soubi declared.

"Sweet." The next model (whom we'll call Ai) smirked.

"Number three? You're the endangered and oh so lovely, white Bengal tiger." Soubi smiled knowingly.

"How fitting." Akane snickered, "Tre' cool."

"Number four? You shall be the vivacious cheetah." Soubi called.

"Good." Utako said nervously, eyeing the rippling muscles beneath the fur, "Perfect match for me."

"You wish." Akane muttered.

"And number five? You are the elegant lioness." Soubi smiled.

"Thank you very much." The model (we'll call her Riku) grinned.

"Now everybody to makeup!" Soubi cried, clapping his hands, "We're shooting in three hours!"

* * *

"What's goin' on?" Hunny asked, eyes wide and innocent. 

"They're being made up to look like jungle cats." Haruhi explained.

Haninozuka Mitsukuni's eyes glittered with excitement.

"They're dressin' up like **_KITTIES?_**" he squealed, throwing his arms into the air (almost losing Bun-Bun in the process), "**I WANT TO _TOO!_ I _LOVE_ KITTIES!** It'll be just like my Halloween costume!"

"Hunny…they're being 'Made' up." Kyoya corrected the short blonde, "Not "Dressing" up. Meaning their will undoubtedly be lots of airbrushing, make up and…hours of sitting still to deal with."

Hunny blanched.

Sit still? He could sit still for a second.

He was a veritable 4' 9" boiling pot of pure adrenaline and sugar.

And the make up? That was right out.

He could deal with a itty bitty bit on Halloween, but he knew Kyoya was talking pounds here.

He looked at the ground, defeated.

"Don't worry Hunny." Tamaki said reassuringly, "We'll get you a cat costume when we get back."

"Yay!" Hunny cried, instantly brightening.

"**_QUIET ON THE SET!_**" A voice boomed.

"**Sorrrrry.**" The Twins replied unabashedly, sticking their tongues out in the direction the voice had emanated.

* * *

(A/N: And it's on! Who will win? The Panther? The Leopard?The Tiger? The Cheetah? Or the Lioness? R&R!)


	7. And The Winner Is!

(A/N: HEYA! Here it is! The next chappie! Enjoy!)

* * *

"_Man…hurry up."_ Akane thought impatiently, twitching her nose desperately as she listened to the sound of the airbrush, _"I hafta ta pee, I have 'n itch and my ass is crampin' up."_

She was currently staring out of a pair of glittering gold, cat-eyed contacts.

A set of long whiskers quivered on Akane's cheeks every time she twitched her nose.

A pair of faux fur, striped tiger ears were pinned to the top of her head.

A complete set of acrylic talons, adhered with nail glue, were on her nails (both fingers and toes)

Her skin was a pale white with thick black stripes currently being painted on her sides, arms and legs.

She was not allowed to move as the make up and paint was applied. Meaning she had been sitting perfectly still now for over two hours.

Meaning she was one **VERY** unhappy camper.

But having to sit on a full bladder for over an hour and a half would make just about **_ANYBODY_** a little cranky.

"Kakyoin-san? All finished here." The make upand airbrush artists smiled sheepishly.

"**FINALLY!**" Akane whooped, running straight for the bathroom, her striped tail swishing behind her.

Oh yes. I forgot about the tail didn't I?

It's attached seamlessly to her tailbone with spirit gum and has been pushed through a deliberate hole in the faux tiger striped fur micromini she was wearing.

Her C cups breasts were bound tightly in a tiger striped faux fur cropped tube top that looked like something out of Lum Urusei Yatsura(more like strapless bra!)

* * *

Utako glowered in Akane's direction as the air brush artist carefully applied another spot. 

She hadn't expected her to look that good.

Actually, she had expected Akane's scars to hinder her greatly.

They didn't dojack once the paint was on.

"Shit." Utako mumbled, "I brought a serious contender into the ring. What was I thinking? **_NO!_** Don't think that way! I'm **STILL** number one! There's no **_WAY_** that brat could beat me."

"No matter how much you wish it, Whore, the voices in your head aren't real." Akane drawled, back from the bathroom.

"**RRRR!**" Utako growled, clenching her hands tightly and feeling sharp pains in her hands as her fake, razor sharp claws tore into her palms, "**_AAIIIIEEEE!_**"

"Real smart move there, bubble brain." Akane snickered as she strolled over to join the other models who were deep in conversation with the Host Club, "Whaddya gonna do next? See how long you can hold yer head in a furnace before it gets hot?"

* * *

"So you all don't like Yoshizumi-san?" Haruhi asked Yuiko as she watched, giggling all the while, as Hunny played with her tail (gawd that sounds dirty) 

"Not at all." Riku scowled, fingering the hemline of her faux fur tube dress, "Just because she got a cover shot on _Vogue Japan_ she think she's hot stuff."

"She made the cover?" Tamaki asked, a little surprised, "Isn't that a rather big deal?"

"Everyone here, with the exception of Kakyoin-chan, has made that cover at least twice." Ai sighed, "And she makes it once and cops an attitude."

"I see." Kyoya nodded, "That explains a lot."

"It gets really annoying." Yuiko said grumpily, tugging her fake tail away from Hunny gently with a sigh, "She gives us all a bad rep."

"No shit." Hikaru and Kaoru snorted.

"**MISS WAJIMAYA! **WERE READY FOR YOU NOW!"

"That's me." Yuiko sighed, strolling over to where the uncaged panther waited.

"Break a leg, Yui-chan." Ai called.

"Well aren't you positive." Akane snorted, coming up beside the green eyed woman and making her jump.

"**_HOMIGOD!_**" she shrieked, "**JesusChristonacross!** Don't…**_scare me like that!_** **Yeesh!**"

"It's yer own fault for lettin' yer guard down." Akane snorted, crossing her arms and resting on one hip.

"I didn't know we were supposed to have it raised." Riku remarked jokingly.

"I never drop my guard." Akane stated coolly, "**_Ever._** It's far too dangerous a prospect."

* * *

"Eh?" Hunny blinked. 

_"Waiiiit a minute…what does she mean 'she never drops her guard'?"_ Hikaru thought confusedly, _"I mean, she has to sleep sometime right? I mean, I've seen her do it! but then again, she did wake up awful fast once me n' Kaoru grabbed that fishbowl…"_

Kaoru stared at his twin who looked as though he was on the verge of a migraine.

_"Whut the hell?"_ he thought.

"**MISS SUGIMIYA!** YOUR UP!"

"**_Hee! _**I'm **soooo** excited!" Ai squealed, prancing over, passing Yuiko as she rejoined the group, to where the awaiting leopard yawned loudly.

"…glad someone here is." Akane said blandly.

"Mm?" Yuiko blinked, "You mean you're not?"

"I have about a million places I'd rather be right now." Akane said dully, "Asleep in bed, gettin' inta another fight with my bro's, beatin' that Whore t' death with a bat, goin' to the firin' range, makin' good on my skydivin' lessons…"

"I see." Riku smiled sheepishl, "Then…why're you here?"

"I hafta put that lyin', cheatin, Paris-Hilton-wannabe in'er place." Akne said shrewdly, "That's why."

"Ahh…I get it." Tamaki smirked, "Fighting for a loved one! Such a noble cause!"

"Did you hear something?" Akane asked loudly, "Coulda sworn I heard a voice, but I guess it was just th' wind."

Tamaki slunk into a corner and sulked.

Mori and Hunny went over to comfort him.

Ai dashed back, a wild grin on her face.

"That was awesome!" she squealed.

"**_MISS KAKYOIN!_** ITS YOUR-!"

"Yeah, yeah." Akane snapped, "I'm **comin'!** **_Yeesh!_**"

She strolled over to where her white Bengal tiger awaited and stared down the creature.

It was massive.

It could kill her with one swipe of it's dinner plate sized paws.

And Akane didn't care.

She just wanted to get this over with, so she could go home and take a nap.

* * *

Utako watched in disbelief as Soubi praised Akane's natural, languid poses. 

Tiger standing over her in a way that was pseudo threatening, pseudo curious.

Akane reclining on her stomach on an over hanging branch, looking fiercely down at the tiger.

Akane laying on her side, the tiger's head resting on her flank.

It was too much.

She was receiving no instructing.

**ZERO!**

At every shoot she had ever **_BEEN _**on, Utako had always been coached at least a little.

But Soubi had no complaints!

**Nothing!**

"What **_IS _IT?**" she growled, biting the tip of her artificial talon, "What's she got that I don't?"

Akane, finished with her roll, had heard Utako's mumblings and shot her hand forward and grabbed the woman's mosquito bites.

"**_YAAAAI!_**" Utako shrieked in horror and pain at her left breast being squeezed so viciously.

"Boobs." Akane said bluntly, letting go quickly and pointing to her own rack, "Plain an' simple. I have hooters…you don't, Twiggy."

Akane smirked broadly at Utako's rage filled face.

"I'm surprised..." she murmured, her sneer broadening, "With your silicone lips, fake ass, brow lift and tummy tuck...yer itty titties are th' one thing left on ya that aint fake."

Utako looked about ready to strangle the 5' 2" teen when the director shouted her name loudly.

"**YOSHIZUMI!** ON DECK!"

Utako looked torn.

Akane crossed her arms and tapped her foot, grinning vindictively.

"**_YOSHI_ZUMI!** WE DON'T **_HAVE _**ALL DAY!"

"**COMING!**" Utako yelled, dashing off with quick glare at Akane who laughed at the practically anorexic woman's attempt at being threatening.

Utako's shoot was a disaster.

While Akane and the tiger were on the same wavelength (they both wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible) Utako and her cheetah could not have had more different thought patterns if they tried.

Utako, while trying to outdo Akane in her shots by taking as long as possible was dealing with an extremely high strung cheetah that wanted nothing more than to escape.

Not to mention it really seemed repulsed be her and wouldn't come within ten feet of her.

"Okay. That's enough." Soubi groaned, having seen enough, "Obviously someone doesn't have a way with animals."

Feeling very put out, Utako watched in annoyance as the relieved cheetah shot back into it's carrier and huddled in a back corner.

"**_FUJIWARA! _**YOUR UP!" Soubi yelled as the lioness, looking very sluggish, ambled out of the cage.

* * *

_-Later…-_

"Alright girls." Soubi said serenely, "You all took some beautiful photos today (wow…this is a lot like America's Next Top Model, huh?) but only one can make the cover."

Utako, Riku, Ai and Yuiko looked incredibly tense.

Tamaki bit his perfectly manicured nails.

Kyoya jotted down notes in his planner.

Hunny and Mori caught the model's stress and stared on anxiously.

Hikaru and Kaoru played video games on a PSP player given to them by Suo.

Hauhi also caught wind of a little of the pressure and also watched intensely, though not nearly as intensely as Hunny, Mori or Tamaki.

Akane let out a yawn.

"The covergirl for the next issue of _FRUiTS_ is…" Soubi said, drawing out the tension, "…Kakyoin Akane. Congratulations."

Akane shot Utako a victorious grin.

"Ha-ha-ha-haa-ha." She snickered tauntingly.

Utako fumed, looking ready to maul the shorter teen.

"**W-WAIT JUST A _SECOND!_**" she shouted, "She's not even a legitimate model!"

"Your company vouched for her." Yuiko said smilingly.

Utako looked on in disbelief.

"**IT'S NOT _FAIR!_**" She shrieked, "**WHAT DOES _SHE_ HAVE THAT I _DON'T?_**"

Akane looked at Ai.

Ai glanced at Yuiko.

Yuiko shot a look at Riku.

They all gave slight nods.

"BOOBS." Yuiko, Ai, Riku, and Akane said bluntly, pointing to their racks.

* * *

(A/N: One victory one, but it's only one day. And why does Utako look so happy? R&R!)


	8. The Five Day Fight

(A/N: Hey all. Sorry this took so long! So with out further adieu, here's the next chapter!)

* * *

"How long have those two been at it now?" Sora asked no one in particular, dealing the playing cards. 

"Today marks the five day mark." Kyoya said, eyeing the tick marks on his planner, snapping it shut to take hold of his cards.

"That long huh?" Hinode muttered, rearranging her hand.

"Mm-hm." Haruhi said calmly, setting down two cards and drawing two, "They're both stubborn as mules."

What's going on you may ask?

Lets recap to six days ago, one day after the photo shoot.

Akane had gone out, ditching the Host Club with Utako (which for some unfathomable reason, she wasn't too happy about)

Infuriated, Utako had stormed out of the house, Host Club in tow to find her.

And find her she did.

Getting a piggy back ride from her ex boyfriend (and current best male friend) Hideki (see series one; ch. 24)

Recalling her hubby's thoughts on Akane dating **ANYONE**, her heart danced with glee.

She was on her cell in a matter of milliseconds.

* * *

**_-"Y'llo?"-_** a calm voice answered mildly. 

"Hey baby." Utako replied, trying her best to contain her immeasurable joy, "Um…hey…remember what you said about Akane dating?"

**_-"Yeeee-yah."-_** Suo replied slowly.

"Have youuu changed your opinion on that on hat at a-?" Utako began before being interrupted by Suo.

**_-"Absolutely not."-_** Suo replied sharply, **_-"Why?"-_**

"I was just wondering because Akane's with this boy." Utako continued casually, "I've never seen him at the house before…so I was won_-klik-_…_**booopbooopbooop**_…"

"Who did you just call?" Hunny asked innocently.

"Oh, no one." Utako lied through her teeth, "Just checking my voicemail."

"…I see." Kyoya said calmly, knowing the model was lying, but as it did not directly effect him, he didn't care.

Haruhi was distracted window shopping with the twins and wasn't paying attention.

Tamaki was preoccupied playing up to random women on the street.

So no one was prepared when a Mercedes Benz came screeching up and Suo came flying out and storming in Akane's general direction.

* * *

Automatically seeing her enraged older brother charging full on her way frothing at the mouth, Akane leapt off Hideki's back and shrieked: 

"**RUN HIDEKI!_ RUN! RUN! RUN!_**"

Which he did.

He ran like a deer, but Suo was on him like white on rice.

However, Akane managed to stop him by chomping down on his forearm hard enough to draw blood.

Swearing loudly, he grabbed his bleeding appendage and glared up at his sister who glaring back at him.

"What is yer problem?" she asked calmly.

"My problem?" Suo answered, "What the hell were you doing with him?"

"None a yer damn business." She replied, never raising her voice.

"What's going on?" Haruhi asked, having finally turned around, "This is really creeping me out."

"They aren't…yelling." Hikaru murmured, cold chills shooting down his spine.

"That just makes it even creepier." Tamaki whimpered, ducking behind Kyoya.

"**I'M _SCARED!_**" Hunny squealed, leaping into Mori's arms, who hefted him up easily.

It had been like that for the rest of the day.

They never argued in loud voices, but lowered tone with a silky intensity so utterly bone-chilling it was better suited for some psycho in a horror flick.

Finally, in the middle of the night, one of their soft spoken arguments reached a boiling point and Akane stormed out of the house.

That had been five days ago.

* * *

"Aren't you worried about her?" Haruhi asked, shuffling her cards together as she folded her hand. 

"Hm?" Sora blinked, "Not really."

"Yeah." Hinode nodded, "We've gone for weeks a time without seeing her."

"Is that so?" Kyoya asked, showing his hand: a full house.

"Mm-hm." Sora nodded, tossing her cards to the floor, giving up on the game.

"Don't get us wrong, we are worried." Hinode sighed, "It's just we know from experience that Takaomi will get impatient with the two of'em-"

"-and drag Suo with him as he goes to track'er down." Sora finished.

* * *

"**No.**" Akane snapped without taking the lit Mild Seven from her mouth, "No way in **_HELL_** I'm apologizin' t' **THAT** bastard." 

"Chyeah right, Taka." Suo snorted, "It'd take nothing short of a miracle for me to forgive that slut."

"C'mon guys." Hunny begged, "It's been a whole week!"

"Let it go, **_GAWD!_**" the twin cried exasperatedly.

The girls had been right of course.

Only minutes after they had finished their game, Takaomi had rounded everybody up (except Utako; she makes everything worse) and had quickly driven off and hunted his sister down.

It had taken less than fifteen minutes (whadee do? implant a tracking chip when she was sleeping?)

And now the eldest and youngest siblings were in a standoff, refusing to look or speak to each other.

* * *

"Okay." Mannen snarled, stepping forward. 

"That's enough." Kazuo growled, rolling up his sleeves.

They grabbed their siblings from behind and forced them to face one another.

Takaomi strolled between them.

"You need to get this out in the open." He grunted, "No clinching, no biting. Go."

Mannen shoved Akane towards Suo and Kazuo force Suo towards Akane.

What followed was an all out brawl that sent the siblings crashing into the Host Club, who then became unwilling participants.

Akane and Suo broke apart, lips spilt, noses bleeding, bruises forming on their cheeks and their knuckles spilt from punching each other silly.

Their breathing came in short, strangled gasps as they glared at each other.

"Suo…y-yer 'n **asshole!**" Akane managed to choke out as blood dripped into her left eye.

"Yuh-yeah?" Suo retorted, "Well yer a b-**_bitch!_**"

"And proud…of it…**ass master.**" Akane sneered, spitting out a mouthful of blood and saliva, "And yer…the one who…raised me…so who's th' bitch…**_bitch?_**"

"Shuh-shuddup." Suo moaned, gripping his head with his hand.

* * *

"Have they…made up?" Tamaki asked through a swollen lip from when Akane had punched him unintentionally (keep telling yourself that; she saw an opportunity waiting to happen) 

"It would appear so, milord." Kaoru replied, a large bruise forming on his chin from where Suo had kneed him when aiming for his sister's gut.

"It would indeed, seeing as they're speaking in normal tones again." Hikaru nodded, wiping away the blood that streamed from his nose from where Akane high kicked him straight in the face.

Kyoya had managed to escape all damage somehow (…clever boy) and was flipping through his notebook absentmindedly.

Haruhi was not so fortunate, she had a rather nasty scrape on her forehead and another on her chin from when she was blocking Suo's path and he shoved her out of the way.

Hunny and Mori, being the martial artists that they were also escaped all damage, but Hunny was unbelievably upset at Haruhi's injuries.

"**_WAAAH!_ ARE YOU _OKAY?_**" he cried, rushing to her.

"**SHADDUP!**" Akane and Suo snarled, "We have headaches that could killa **_hippo!_** **So** **_stuff it, shrimp!_**"

"**HEEEK!**" Hunny squealed, "**_WAUUGH!_ MORI! I'M _SCARED!_**"

"**SHADDUP!**" Suo and Akane roared.

* * *

(A/N: What will happen next? Hopefully a divorce! Probably not tho', dammit all. R&R!) 


	9. Blood Is thicker Than :BLEEP!:

(A/N: HIIIIII! Remember me? It's been awhile huh? Heh heh heh! Sorry this took so long. Effin' school. Hate it sooooo much. So with out further adieu, here's the next chappie!)

* * *

The Ouran High School Host Club didn't get long to celebrate for the peace between Suo and Akane was _**VERY**_ short lived. 

Wouldn't you know it? Utako just **HAD **to meet them at the door when they pulled into the drive.

"**_What_** is **_she_** doing here?" Akane snarled, leaping from the car and coming within millimeters of the woman.

"**I **am here to greet my husband." Utako said snidely, wrapping her arms around Suo's neck and giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek without looking away from Akane.

Akane growled ferally, face contorting in rage behind the dried blood (…O.O…scary!)

"**Get your disgusting_ fish lips_** **OFFA HIM!**" Akane screamed, fingernails digging viciously into her palms causing blood to drip on to the blacktop.

Utako pulled away, startled, then glared fiercely at the short fifteen year old.

"I will **_NOT_** be ordered around by a skinny midget like you." she spat, eyes narrowed, "I'll do as I please."

Akane lashed out at Utako…only to find her arms pinned behind her back.

"S…Su…o?" Akane mumbled disbelievingly, eyes wide.

"That's enough, Akane." Suo said coolly, maintaining his grip, "I will not have you rough up my wife."

"A…Akane…?" Mannen gaped, "We never call'er Akane…ever."

"So…it's true, eh?" the fifteen year old chuckled from her uncomfortable position.

"I fail to see what's so funny, Akane." Suo murmured.

"I never thought I'd see th' day…an' **YOU** of all people…damn…" Akane muttered, bowing her head, long hair blocking her face.

"Get on with it." Utako snapped.

* * *

In a sudden burst of movement, Akane broke free with two loud resonating pops. 

"I _**never**_ thought I'd see th' day…you'd choose some **whore**…over yer own family." Akane smirked, her dislocated arms hanging uselessly by her sides, "But ya proved me wrong, bro. Way ta go. You've become yer dad." (…ouch. low blow)

Suo purpled at that last remark.

"I have not." He growled, eyes narrowed, face flushed, "I am **_nothing_** like that bastard."

"Oh **really?**" Akane said tauntingly, "Well then why doncha take a gander at the hussy ya married, who I know for a fact has cheated on you more than once, and has turned ya against yer own family."

"Yup, sounds like yer dad ta me!" Takaomi nodded.

"And mom was a slut." Mannen nodded.

"More bow legged than a deer." Kazuo agreed.

Utako flamed red at this.

"Are you comparing me to your-!" she began to shriek.

"**_YES!_**" The three united siblings said blandly, cutting her off.

"**SUO!**" Utako screamed, clutching at his arm, "**_SAY_ something to them! _Don't _let them speak to me that way!**"

"But they're right." Suo remarked, brushing off her hands.

"S-Suo?" Utako said, eyes widening with surprise as he brushed off her hands.

"They…are…right." Suo remarked, grinning down at her, "And if I stay with you, things will only continue you to get worse. The family I've worked so hard to keep together will only continue to fall apart."

"Suo…" Utako choked, unable to believe what he was saying.

_"C'mon bro."_ Akane thought to herself,_ "Say it, say it, SAY IT!"_

"Utako…I think it would be in both our best interests if we got a divorce." Suo smiled.

* * *

"**WHAT!**" Utako shrieked, face contorting in an expression of pure shock. 

"**_YES!_**" Akane whooped, face bubbling over with glee.

She would have pumped her fists, but her arms are currently as limp as boiled asparagus stalks.

"**YOU _CAN'T_ BE _SERIOUS!_**" Utako shrieked.

"What do you think Hikaru?" Kaoru asked, a vindictive grin on his face, "Does he sound serious to you?"

"Oh yes indeed, Kaoru." Hikaru nodded, a malicious smirk dancing on his lips, "A man who truly sounds ready to practice what he preaches."

"**SHUT _UP!_**" Utako screamed.

"**PREACH IT!**" Mannen hooted, raising the roof.

"The way I see it, if he feels it's in the best interest for him, for yourself, and for his family, he's going to go through with it." Kyoya said shrewdly, jotting something down in the ever present planner.

"Then I won't sign the papers!" Utako cried in frustration.

"Lady, you think we don't know a thing or two about forgery?" Takaomi snickered, shaking his head.

Utako ground her teeth together.

She brought back her hand.

"**DAMN YOU _ALL_ TO _HELL_ YOU _BASTARRRRDS!_**" She screamed, moving her hand for ward to strike Suo across the face.

* * *

**_-SNAKKRAKPPOP-_**

_-GRMP-_

_-FWUP-_

_-FMP-_

_-chk-klk-_

Mannen had a vicious hold on Utako's wrist and was making the thin appendage release soft pops and cracks.

Takaomi's hand was only inches away from a vital point in the model's thin neck that could send the head of the owner flying off like a dandelion.

Kazuo had pinned Utako's opposing arm behind her back and was pressing it painfully into her back.

Akane's Tech-9 was pressed against the space between the models eyes, her finger pulling dangerously against the trigger.

"Whore…you lay so much as a finger on my big brother…and I'll kill you." Akane said quietly.

"Hey, don't you dare think about taking all the credit." Mannen said coolly, tightening his grip, causing her wrist to emit a string of tiny pops.

"Yeah, you'll have help." Kazuo smirked, pressing her arm so hard against her back the elbow nearly popped out of it's socket.

"This round, Monkey, you'll hafta share." Takaomi smirked, his trained assassin's reflexes anxious to make a kill (easy there tiger)

* * *

"Yoshizumi-san, Please collect your things and get off my property." Suo said smilingly as his younger half siblings maintained their positions, "I'll send along a lawyer to map out all the legalities, and due to our prenup, I owe you no alimony." 

Suo watch with satisfaction as Utako's mouth opened and closed like a fish.

He allowed a smirk to cross his lips.

"Oh, and I **will **be taking full custody of Aki."he said coolly, smirking all the while,"Just so we're clear."

Letting loose a roar of fury, Utako stormed off the Miyazaki Estate, leaving her personal effects behind.

"…what are you going to do with her stuff?" Haruhi asked, looking up at Kazuo, "She forgot all about it.

"Hang on to it till the divorce is finalized." Mannen drawled.

"Then burn it." Akane smirked wickedly, eyes dancing, "**_BURN IT ALL!_**"

Tamaki shrank behind Mori.

"**Whyyy** does she hafta be so scary? **_Whyyyy?_**" he whined.

Mori patted the French-Japanese teen's head by way of reply.

Hunny looked up at Suo.

"'m hungry." He said, "Can we get something to eat?" (Talk about changing the subject shortstack!)

"Sure thing." Suo smiled, "T'day's been trying, it's my night t' cook and I don't feel like it. So…who's up for Chinese?"

"**ME_ME_ME_ME_ME!**"

* * *

(A/N: A surprise visitor! And more mayhem with the remote of doom! R&R!) 


	10. Habits, Visits & Whoopsiedoodles

(A/N: Hey all! I've recieved numerous requests to do another crossover. So in this chappie, you'll get your wish! READ ON AND ENJOY! _I COMMAND YOU!_)

* * *

The next few hours were uneventful. 

If you don't count the min-brawl for first dubbies on the bathrooms to wash off all the blood, nothing much happened.

Akane had nodded off on the sofa while watching T.V. and icing down her shoulders.

Her legs sprawled across Takaomi's lap, who was also asleep and her head on Suo's bicep, also half asleep with a dead baby in his arms (figure of speech; never fear!)

The whole dislocating-relocating of her shoulders was a rather painful process and as Akane almost never allowed her opponents to get in close proximity, she rarely had to use this technique.

Before she dozed off, she made a mental note to practice it a bit more often.

This time around it had hurt like a bitch.

Mannen and Kazuo were on the floor, overturned Chinese takeout boxes strewn about them.

They too had zonked out, but had done so while eating everyone else's leftovers.

Kazuo was currently snoring loudly through a mouthful of noodles and Mannen though half a box of Mushu pork (how're they not suffocating?)

* * *

The Ouran Host Club, after unanimously agreeing to toss out Operation Defrost, had retired to their rooms and had made like the Fucked Up Five and had gone to bed early. 

Tamaki was half in, half out of bed.

His top end hung upside down while drool ran down his face and into his ear.

Hikaru had fallen asleep while undressing, so he was currently wearing one sock, boxers and his shirt half way off around his neck and left arm.

Kaoru had konked out while reading a magazine in an easy chair.

His legs were draped over the right arm his head and shoulders slung over the left, his arm aswinging.

Hunny was curled up into an itsy bitsy ball, sucking his thumb and cuddling Bun-Bun, sleeping deeply.

Occasionally, he let loose a wild yell and kicked the air above his head violently before curling up again contentedly.

Mori slept peacefully, he didn't toss or turn and he didn't do any martial arts or sleep in any strange positions.

The same couldn't be said for Haruhi and Kyoya.

They were both unbelievably fitful sleepers and spent the entire night tossing and turning so violently that Haruhi fell out of bed and spent the rest of the night on the floor and Kyoya knocked over his nightstand and awoke the next morning with a sprained ankle.

* * *

"It doesn't look _**too**_ bad Kyoya." Hinode said tentatively as she switched off the melted bag of ice to examine the swelling. 

"Yeah, it could've been worse." Sora nodded, handing a new bag of ice to Hinode quietly.

Why quietly?

Because while the Ouran Host Club is up, the Freakish Fiveis not. They're still out like lights in the living room.

And as they had learned from experience, they are **DEFINITELY** not morning people.

"Why in th' hell does my neck hurt so bad?" Kaoru muttered, trying unsuccessfully to rid himself of the crick in his neck (that's whatcha get fer sleeping in a **_chair_**, dumbass.)

"Dunno." Hikaru murmured, "But I've gotta tellya about this dream I had. It was **effed up!** I was bein' strangled t' death by my bed sheets!" (undress properly before you konk out**_ retard!_**)

"Well I myself had a falling dream." Tamaki stated, "Dreadfully frightening don't you know." (….don't…get me started)

"Really?" Haruhi asked, "I had a dream about cliff diving." (…this is just getting sad.)

"I dreamt I was in the middle of my first judo final!" Hunny cried enthusiastically from his piggyback position on Mori's back (…oooookay)

As the Ouran Host Club continued to compare and contrast dreams, the sound of a car engine pulling into the drive ripped all five half siblings awake.

* * *

"Abuh?" Akane blinked blearily, pushing herself upright and wiping away a thin line of drool as she glanced out the window, "Who th' hell could tha…**HUHHHHHH!**" 

Her loud gasp made everybody jump about twelve feet in the air and Aki begin to wail.

"Whuh th' hell?" Mannen groaned shooting upright and hitting his head on the coffee table.

"Uhhh…god….Suo, make'm **_shudduuuuup_** " Kazuo moaned, rolling over and smooshing a container of half-eaten eggrolls.

"**WAH_DOH_WAH!**" Takaomi screeched, flying spastically off the sofa and onto Kazuo.

"_Shhshhshh_…please calm down for daddy….please?" Suo begged of his hysterically sobbing son.

Akane had already leapt to her feet and dashed outside shouting:

"**_PAPA!_ JE NE CROIX PAS!**"

"Do we wanna know what's happening?" Haruhi asked blandly, not looking up from her magazine.

"Probably not." Kyoya said serenely.

"But are you gonna look anyway?" Sora grinned.

"Definitely yes." Hinode smiled knowingly.

"Because humans are naturally curious creatures." Tamaki said passionately.

"That, and you just can't he yerself." Hikaru and Kaoru snickered, "Nosey little bastard, aintcha milord?"

Tamaki blushed as Hunny and Mori made their way over to the window.

* * *

"**_HEY!_** They're **TWO **Akane's!" Hunny squealed as Mori nodded in agreement, eyes widening slightly in disbelief. 

"What?" Kyoya said mildly, "That is impossible, Hunny."

"But it's **_TRUE!_**" Hunny cried, hopping off Mori's back so the tall teen could cross the room to collect Kyoya, "**LOOK!**"

From his spot in Mori's arms, the bespectacled teen's jaw dropped as he beheld Akane and her maledoppelganger talking in fast fluent French.

"Hm?" Hinode said mildly, coming up behind the group, "Hey, what's Aka-chan's dad doing here?"

"Yeah, isn't it kinda dangerous for him to be in the country?" Sora asked no one in particular.

"Wow…easy to tell who she took after, huh?" Haruhi whistled.

"No kiddin'." Hikaru snickered.

Tamaki rounded on the Otaku Twins.

"Her father is French?" He asked eagerly, excited at the prospect of finding another konketsuji.

"Mm-mm." Sora replied, shaking her head violently, "He's been living for the past fifteen years in Paris and Akane's a bilingual...lucky bitch."

* * *

"Oh." Tamaki mumbled, face falling a little…before refilling with curiosity, "Why in France?" 

"Because Kakyoin-san is the boss of one of the most prominent yakuza's in Japan." Takaomi replied, entering the room, "The Crazy 88."

Suo crossed the threshold the room, Aki toddling in after him, gripping his father's index finger.

"He has so many hits on his head, that he fled the country and runs his syndicate from Paris." Suo drawled.

"It must the time of the year where the bosses come together for their annual meeting." Hinode mused.

"Mm-hm." Sora, nodded, "When they come together to talk things over rationally; no funny stuff."

"Wait…she's related to a…well that explains a lot." Kaoru snorted, shaking his head.

"And it looks like she's following in her daddy's foot steps huh?" Hikaru snickered, "What with her bein' a gang leader 'n all."

"Not to mention th' Yakuza System works a lot like a dynasty." Mannen said shrewdly joining his brothers at the window with Kazuo at his heels.

"Yeah." Kazuo muttered, "So when her old man bites it, Akane takes over. Automatically. Sucks t' be her. She doesn't want all that responsibility. Hell, she wouldn't have taken back her position as Byakko if they hadn't begged her…literally, on their hands an' knees for her t' come back."

The Ouran Host Club watchedfrom above as the pair below hugged a final time as the male of the two got into his Rolls Royce and pealed out as Akane waved at it's retreating form.

As it disappeared from sight, Akane whipped her head around and looked straight up at them.

"**_HEEP!_**" Tamaki and Hunny squealed.

Hikaru and Kaoru jumped back.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh." Hinode, Sora, Takaomi, Suo, Mannen and Kazuo chuckled nervously, waving hesitantly at the midnight blue haired teen whose lilac eyes were narrowed in spite.

In response, she flipped them the bird with both hands and strode into the house.

* * *

And it was at this time Suo let loose ayell that almost made Mori throw Kyoya into the ceiling. 

"**WHERE'S AKI?**" He bellowed (you mean you didn't notice he wasn't clinging to you like the little leech that he is? for shame.)

And where was Aki?

Why the clever little tot had managed to toddle his way into his father's lab and was now punching random buttons on the Transdimensional Remote (affectionately dubbed the Remote Of Doom by Akane), laughing his head off each time they made a sound.

Before anyone quite knew what happened, the Ouran High School Host Club had vanished completely.

"**_WAH!_ WHERE'D THEY-!**"

_-BLP-_

-and Hinode, Sora and the Questionable Quartet disappeared with a pop.

* * *

_-BLP-_ "I-I don't believe it." Tamaki murmured in a hushed voice as he gazed around the familiar room. 

"…we're home." Mori muttered (**_HE SPEAKS!_**) setting Kyoya down on the chaise lounge.

"I better call dad!" Haruhi cried, "He must be worried sick!"

"Us too!" The Hitachiin Twins yelped, "Our 'rents must be throwing a conniption by now!"

"Hunny's mama and papa too!" Hunny cried, leaping onto Mori's awaiting back.

There was a mad dash for the phones while Kyoya calmly extracted his own cell from an inside pocket in his jacket and dialed his house.

"Yes, can you arrange to have someone pick me up please?…thank you."

* * *

"…man it got quiet all of a sudden." Akane muttered nervously, fingering the trigger of her .425 Casull Taurus Raging Bull Revolver and shouldering the new firearm her father had presented her with: a H&K416 Enhanced Carbine. 

She had so many concealed weapons on her right now, that getting through customs was a far off dream.

She strolled through the house, listening intently…til she heard it.

Aki's laughter coming from down the hall.

She dashed down the hall, more than a little unnerved, waves of apprehension gushing down her spine and darted through the doorway of Suo's lab…

…to see too her horror what Aki had gotten his mischievous little hands on.

"**_AKI, NO!_**" Akane screamed rushing for him, wrapping an arm around her nephew as he pressed another button.

_-BLP-_

-and everything was gone.

_-BLP-_

Then everything returned...but it wasn't the comfortable surroundings Akane had grown up in.

Lush forests surrounded her on all sides save for a lone, well worn path etched in the earth.

The clear blue sky smiled cheerfully down from above, winking between the dark green leaves and the sunlight danced along the ground.

"**_Whuuut _**th' **hell?**" Akane blinked, Aki in her arms, remote in her hand as she took in the unfamiliar landscape, "**_WHAT'S GOIN' _ON_ HERE?_**"

* * *

(A/N: Where has everyone been skyrocketed to this time? Guess right an you'll get a cookie! R&R!)

* * *

**TRANSLATION**:

"**_PAPA!_ JE NE CROIX PAS!**"- "**_DAD!_ I DON'T BELIEVE IT!**"


	11. Meetings, Unwanted Help, & Aliases

(A/N: Hey all! For those who asked me to do a crossover into _THIS_ particular anime, your prayers have been answered! _HA!_ Notice how I haven't given it away yet! I _AM_ Shinigami _GOUMON _after all and what does Goumon translate to again children? _THAT'S RIGHT!_ **TORTURE!** _MUAHAHAHAHA!_ Now enjoy the next chapter peeps! Your authoress commands you!)

* * *

"Oh…oh ow." Hinode moaned, not daring to open her eyes. 

"What happened?" Sora groaned from somewhere nearby.

"I dunno." Mannen replied dazedly from someplace not to far off.

"My…head…**_hurrrrts!_**" Kazuo moaned right next to Hinode's ear.

"Oh…god, my balls." Takaomi wheezed painfully from the darkness.

"Sora_-huhh-_you're on_-huhh-_my gut_-huhh-_." Suo choked out between gasps.

"…sorry." She mumbled numbly, not moving an inch.

_**-CLNKCLNKCLNK-**_

"**Brother!** Look at this!" a familiar, childish voice cried, "**_People!_** And I think they're hurt!"

_**-tmptmptmptmptmp-**_

"Whoa, you ain't kiddin' Al." another familiar voice whistled, "These guys have been through the wringer alright. They're barely conscious."

_"Heyeee…I know that voice."_ Hinode thought to herself as a cold metallic hand brushed her face and she fell back into unconsciousness.

"We'll getcha some help." The voice said faintly as the Otaku Twins and the Fucked Up Four passed out again.

* * *

"Okay…what to do, what to do." Akane muttered to herself as she continued to walk along the well worn path, the remote shoved into one of the deep pockets of her baggy black goth jeans, and Aki in her arms. 

"_Aki's gettin' uber fussy…but he hasn't eaten fer awhile so…"_ Akane thought, face contorting in disgust, _"…food's th' first priority. DAMNIT ALL! Even if I hate it, Aki's gotta eat!…even if it is this freakish animanga slop."_

She saw a clearing and finally she was out of the forest an in the outskirts of a rather large city.

People were racing around like mad and Akane had to dodge out of the way quickly to avoid being run being run over by a horse and cart.

_"Horse n' carts?"_ Akane thought bewildered, _"What th' fuck? Where're all th' cars!"_

Aki let loose a whimper and allowed his face to crumple.

"**_Ah!_**" she cried, looking down sympathetically at her nephew,"Don't cry, lil' man! I'll findja somethin' t' eat…somehow."

"Oh **MY!**" A voice cried out next to her, making Akane jump and Aki finally being to wail,

Akane whirled around to face the speaker and glared at him with such intensity that those around him recoiled and scrambled back into their places of business.

"Sorry." The man said sheepishly, "Didn't mean to startle you…or your son. Such a young mother! Are you perhaps looking for somewhere to eat?"

Akane's eyes flashed with unfathomable fury.

* * *

"**Kuh-Kuh-KAASAN!**" She screamed, fist clenched so tight her nails dug into her palms making blood drip onto the ground, "**_WATASHI? _YOKU_ IU-YO!_**" 

Maes Hughes was extremely confused.

He didn't know what he had done to upset this young mother, but whatever it had been, it was enough to have her speaking in tongues (howabout implying she's a mother when she's NOT, dumbass?)

All he knew was now the baby in her arms was crying harder than ever, and that managed to distract her from her anger, so perhaps now he could speak to her rationally.

"My house isn't too far from here ya know." Colonel Hughes smiled, "You can feed your son their if you li-"

**_-FWOK-_**

The girl had whipped a handgun out of a concealed location and pistol whipped him across the face.

"**_I'M NOT A _MOTHER_ DAMMIT!_**" She screamed in perfect English while reholstering the firearm quick as a flash, "**HE'S MY _NEPHEW!_ NEH-_FEW!_ GET IT? _GAWD!_**"

Colonel Hughes face flooded with color faster than a ship taking on water.

"Oh! I-I'm so sorry!" He cried, "Do forgive me Miss…?"

"…Byakko." Akane grunted, going by her streetname (no way in hell was she giving out her real name to an anime character), "Just Byakko. No 'Miss'."

"Well then Byakko, do come this way." Colonel Hughes smiled, leading the way to his home.

Akane let loose a rueful sigh, still unwilling to believe she was doing this.

Aki let loose another hungry whimper and Akane growled in frustration.

_"Anythin' at all fer th' ones you love."_ She thought irritably, _"GAWD why do I hafta be sucha a sucker fer anythin' small n' cute?…and related to me?…or close to me in any way shape or form?…shit, this sucks."

* * *

_

Edward Elric surveyed the current state of his temporary living quarters, currently spilling over with extra bodies, most of which were unconscious.

Alphonse Elric was worriedly bustling about, changing out the dampened rags on the cataleptic stranger's foreheads with Winry Rockbell, Alex Louis Armstrong and Riza Hawkeye.

Ed couldn't understand how such a large group of people could be laid out like that with no marks of any kind to show for it.

All he knew was that they were in for a serious questioning the minute they woke up.

"Nnn…" one of the girls was stirring; the one with purple hair.

"Brother, she's waking up!" Al said excitedly, beckoning his elder sibling over.

The girl's big brown eye's fought their way opened and stared blearily up at Ed, Al and Armstrong.

"Hey, how ya feelin'?" Winry asked smilingly.

In response, the girl let loose a happy cry and threw her arms around Al's metallic neck.

"**AARU!_ SUKI DESU!_**" She squealed joyfully, face buried against Al's steely shoulder.

"Wh-what?" Al asked, blushing bright pink from the attention, "What'd she say?"

"I'm not quite sure." Hawkeye replied narrowing her eyes slightly, the tiniest fractions of a smirk dancing on her lips, "But I think it's safe to assume she's happy to see you, Al."

"Nn?"

The other girl, the teal haired one, opened her violet eyes and got a good look at Ed and Armstrong, who soon found themselves in the same situation as Al.

"**_EDDU!_ AAMSTRONGU!**" She cried happily, tackle glomping them, "**_KOI SHITERU!_ SUKI DESU!**"

Ed's face was now the same shade of purply red as a beet while Armstrong returned the glomp whole heartedly never on to push away a fan.

"**_WHOA!_ HEY! _TAKE IT EASY!_**" Ed cried.

"Koi shiteru, Eddu." The teal haired girl smiled up at him.

"Sukidayo, Aaru!" the purple haired girl grinned up at Al.

"**What are they _saying!_**" Winry cried, now a bit angry that this unknown girl was all over Ed.

* * *

"They're saying that they really like you." a male voice muttered groggily, "They aren't bilinguals like me and my siblings so managing things here is going to be difficult for them." 

It's owner was the tall, red headed man, whose golden eyes were currently cast at the floor as he tried to collect himself.

"Aaru, suki desu, translates to, 'Al, you're my favorite character.'" He mumbled as he rubbed is eyes, "Eddu, Aamstrongu, koi shiteru, suki desu, translates to, 'Ed, Armstrong, I love you, you're my favorite characters.'"

"Ugh…remind me to make translators for those two." Another male voice said thickly as Al swayed on his feet at the declaration of love from the girl still clinging to his neck.

It's owner, a man with dark brown hair and forest green eyes behind wire rimmed glasses, was leaning against his knees and massaging his temples.

"Do you mind explaining who you are and where you've come from?" Riza asked firmly, "That's most certainly not English you're speaking."

"Notta problem, Hawkeye." Another male voice said woozily.

It's owner rolling over drowsily and removing the wet rag from his forehead, staring at the very confused conglomeration of people through light blue eyes behind messy black bangs.

"I'm Aizawa Mannen." He drawled, "That over there is my half brother Miyazaki Suo. To his right is our other half brother, Saiko Takaomi and to his left is our youngest half brother, Goto Kazuo."

"At your service." The boy with light brown hair said sleepily, opening his jet black eyes and staring up at Hawkeye, "As for where we come from? Well, I have a feeling you wont bite if I told you."

"Try us anyway." Ed said, still trying to pry the teal haired girl off of him and getting pissed because Armstrong was aiding and abetting her cause.

"Well, we come from Japan in a another dimension." The man identified as Suo said smilingly.

There was a long, loud silence.

"Toldja you wouldn't bite." the teen who called himself Kazuo sighed.

* * *

"**_Aaah_**-uhm!" Akane said, making weird faces as she spoonfed her nephew, "Here's comes th' airplane! **_Aaaah_**-ahm!" 

Colonel Hughes watched this display from the teen he knew as only as Byakko fromthe safety of the doorway, smiling to himself.

_"No matter how awful first impression may be, you must always take another look."_ He thought, thinking back on the of the times when he spoonfed his own daughter, _"Miss Byakko is very kind beneath thatbrash exterior."_

Not wanting to add any matching bruises to the one on his cheek, he left the doorway and went to his library, thinking to himself:

_"I wonder what an air-plane is…I must look into it."_

Swiping the excess baby food off Aki's face with the cushioned spoon she had borrowed, she listened with heightened awareness to the sounds of the man shuffling around upstairs as she fed Aki.

"Shorty, I don't **care** if this guy gave you food." She muttered to the one and a half year old, "The moment yer done? We're leavin'."

Aki looked at his aunt, cocking his head to the side like a puppy.

"Uh-uh." Akane growled, coming so close their noses touched, "Don't even try usin' that look. I invented that look."

Aki laughed and rubbed her cheeks with sticky, mashed carrot covered fingers.

"…just my luck." Akane snarled, pushing away from her nephew's giggling form to begrudgingly use the faucet.

* * *

(A/N: What will happen next? R&R to find out peeps!)

* * *

Translations: 

"**Kuh-Kuh-KAASAN?**" – "**Muh-Muh-MOTHER?**"

"**_WATASHI?_** **YOKU _IU-YO!_**" – "**_ME?_** **HOW _DARE YOU!_**"


	12. Quake In Fear: Akane's 'tude'nal Problem

(A/N: Hey all! Schools a bitch! I hate school! School sux! School sux! Schoooool sux! Want Summer vaca t' be here now! So I can spend more time with all of you! And now, on with the chappie!)

* * *

"_Okay…time to remind myself WHY I'm followin' this freak again."_ Akane thought irascibly to herself as she continued to trudge behind a very chatty Colonel Hughes with a now sleeping Aki in tow.

When he had informed her that he was leaving for work, at first, Akane shrugged it off and didn't really think much of it.

After all, she'd been planning on vanishing without a traceanyway.

This just made it easier for her.

Plus, she would be able to set out and look for her family members and best friends that mush sooner.

It was a perfect situation…until a thought ran through her head at warp speed.

It was something she had forgotten to factor in until that very second.

Food.

She had no money on her person and even if she did, she highly doubted it would be accepted here.

Which led her to this conclusion:

"_Animanga Freak equals free food fer Aki."_Akane thought reasonably, starting to get a littlepeeved,_"Food fer Aki equals non fussy toddler. And non fussy toddler equals less stress fer me…as if this wasn't already as taxin' as it could get."_

This is what she had so tetchilythought as she rose, despite herself, to her feet and tapped his shoulder, while reminding herself to boil her fingertips later.

So now she trekked behind the Colonel, glowering sullenly, shooting daggers at anyone who ventured near her, as her nephew slept contentedly in her arms.

* * *

Colonel Hughes, on the other hand, was enthusiastic at showing the teen his work place and was even more surprised that someone her age would show any interest in his profession.

After all, she was a teenager.

And most teens wouldn't even begin to feign eve the slightest interest in what their elders did for a living.

So when she asked, he was more than happy to take her along, although he failed to notice the gnashing of teeth andpulsing vein in her jaw and neck as she did her best to control her hair trigger temper.

Knowing just at a glance that the girl was a foreigner, he began pointing out sites and giving out facts the he thought were interesting (not that Akane was paying any attention.)

They must have been walking for some twenty odd minutes, Hughes pointing out buildings nd chatting away, Akane not even pretending to be fascinated when they finally reached their destination.

* * *

"…and this is the Amestris State Military Building." Colonel Hughes said smilingly, looking a little proud, "My place of business!"

"Tuh-rific." Akane drawled as boredly as a kid who's been dragged to a box factory tour.

But apparently, Colonel Hughes mistook her boredom for enthusiasm as he threw open the doors…

…to unveil a scene of chaos the likes of which he'd never scene before.

A teenaged girl with purple hair was dangling from Alphonse Elric's neck as he ran around frantically trying to free himself of her grip.

Edward Elric was in a far worse situation, as not only was a teenaged girl with teal hair clinging to him, but Alex Louis Armstrong was clinging to her clinging to him and he was dragging the whole mess through the office, knocking things over as he frenetically tried to rid himself of the two.

A group of strange looking men, all foreigners by the look of it, were alternating being interrogated by Roy Mustang, trying to avoid being run over by the Elric brothers and, from what Colonel Hughes could tell, trying not too laugh.

"Dammit…those retards! Why can't they ever let it go?"

Colonel Hughes turned his head slightly as a very irked, very short, midnight blue haired teen stormed past him, teeth clenched, a vein pulsating in her temple.

"Miss Byakko?" he asked in surprise.

The girl he knew only by her streetname screeched to halt, turned and glared viciously at him, a torn look briefly flickering in her eyes as she forced her nephew into his arms.

"Drop him and **_die_**, freak." She snarled, turning on her heel.

In the space it takes to blink, she had ripped the teenaged leeches off the Elric brothers and had punched them booth across the back of the head.

"**ITAI!**" they squealed, eyes tearing as they clutched at their skulls.

"**_BAKARO!_**" 'Byakko' bellowed, making the two girls cringe, "**DOUSHITA NO _JIGOKU_ DESU?**"

* * *

"Oh, hey Monkey." Suo said calmly, giving Akane a little wave from his place at Roy's desk.

**_-BWAK-_**

"**_DON'T _CALL ME _MONKEY_ YOU _BUTT FUCKIN' SUNNAVABITCH!_**" Akane shrieked in English, driving her fist into Suo's jaw, sending him flying across the room, "**THIS_ WHOLE _FUCKIN' _MESS _IS _YER FAULT_ IN TH' _FIRST PLACE, ASS MASTER!_**"

Fatherly instincts taking over, Colonel Hughes covered Aki's ears with his hands; he didn't want such vulgar language to taint such a young mind.

"Um…okay." Roy said serenely, "Do mind telling me who she is…and why she just sucker punched your friend-"

"Half brother." Mannen interjected.

"Whatever." Roy said mildly, "-into the wall?"

"She's the youngest member of our fucked up family tree." Kazuo grinned.

"Our baby sister, Akane." Takaomi smirked.

"Akane?" Colonel Hughes gaped, "She told **me** her name was **Byakko!**"

"Her name _**is **_Byakko." Mannen snickered, "Byakko the Cruel. That's her streetname back in our dimension. She's a gang leader back home."

"And right now it looks as though she's tryna kill Suu-kun." Takaomi chuckled as Akane hefted a desk, drawers filled to capacity with papers, pencils, inkwells and quills, over her head and was preparing to bludgeon her elder brother to death with it.

"Well then, I suppose I should stop her, shouldn't I?" Roy said, smirking as he rose to his feet.

"I** don't** suggest that." Kazuo smiled, "She's really adverse to...people likeyou."

"That's fer sure." Mannen laughed, shaking his head, "Just leave it t' us."

* * *

Takaomi had already crossed the room by this point and just Akane was about to strike, he got her in a Strangle Hold from behind.

"**_DWAH_-AH-_AH_-AH!**" Akane squealed as she lost her grip on the desk and it toppled behind them with a crash, sending office supplies flying everywhere, "**_TAKA!_** **Lemme** **_GO _DAMMIT! Lemme _kill'm!_ It's all his _fault!_ You know _that!_**"

Akane squirmed around, pouting very childishly.

"Sorry kiddo." Takaomi smirked, "No killing family. Thems th' rules."

Ed and Al had watched this from behind the safety of Colonel Hughes.

"Geez…violent much?" Ed muttered, "What's her problem?"

"Brother…she's scary." Al whimpered quietly, "I wanna get out of here."

"Ch. Relax, Al." Ed said confidently, "She probably can't even perform simple alchemy. She isn't much of a thre-"

_-ch-klk-_

**_-P-KAM-_**

**_-P-KAM-_**

Two white hot shots flew past Ed's ear and where Al's ear used to be and stopped in the wood of the door frame.

Akane, no longer restrained by Takaomi, whom she was currently pinning to the floor with her left foot, had her brand new toy (the H&K 416 Enhanced Carbine) pointed directly at the Elric brothers, and had the predatory look of a tiger on her face.

"I may not be able t' do alchemy…" she drawled maliciously, "…but I can still clear yer bowels quicker than an extra large Beef Burrito with extra guacamole sauce."

* * *

She then tapped her shoulder with the firearm and slung it over her shoulder…

…just as Aki let loose a long mournful wail.

She switched from, _"I will woop yo ass with yo own shoes"_ to _"Aww, come here baby"_ fast than the eye could register.

Colonel Hughes didn't even have a chance to grasp the fact that the toddler had left his arms and was back in the arms of his auntie (that still weirds me out…Auntie Akane…brrr)

"_Shhshhshh!_" Akane cooed, "It's okay! See? Yer daddy's here!"

She nudged Suo's kneewith her toe and he promptly leapt to his feet and took the hiccupping toddler.

"Okay…what th' hell just happened?" Ed asked, eyes wide as Al's large metallic fingers dug into his shoulder.

"I'm scared!" Al whimpered again.

"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" Colonel Hughes begged.

"After Aki's calmed down." Mannen said easily.

"Then we'll talk." Kazuo smiled.

Roy sighed and massaged his temples, surveying the damage done to the office.

"What a day." He murmured, "Well…at least it couldn't get any worse."

Aww, Roy…you should know by now you should never say those words out loud!

* * *

(A/N: To prove that they're telling the truth, Suo swipes the remote from Akane and after some tweaking,sends them back home...but with one technicalproblem. What is it? R&R to find out!)


	13. Let's Play Drop The Marble Bag!

(A/N: Hey all! Let's not beat around the bush! On with the chapter!)

* * *

"Okay…I've heard your statements." Roy said tiredly, "Now let me get this straight. You're all from an alternate dimension."

"Yup." Kazuo grinned.

"And all of you, except for those two, are related?" Roy asked skeptically, eyeing Hinode and Sora, who had resumed glomping the Elric brothers who had failed to run when they had the chance.

"Daisuki, Aaru!" Hinode sighed happily into the twelve year old made suit of armor's shoulder.

"Um, y-yeah, I'm not sure exactly what you said, but would mind to much letting me go?" Al asked politely, squirming as he tried to break free and not hurt the teen at the same time.

"Koi shiteru, Eddu!" Sora purred, nuzzling Ed's cheek with her own in a very Shampooish manner.

"Um, yeah, that's nice an' al, but couldja let me go? Please?" Ed asked brusquely as did his best to break free of his fangirl to no avail.

"You got it." Mannen smirked.

"And your sister there…is a gang leader in your dimension?" he pressed, watching as the underaged Akane lit up a cigarette.

"Gotta problem with that, freak?" She snarled, eyes flashing ferociously.

"Hit the nail on the head." Takaomi snickered, pulling his sister close and ruffling her hair in a pacifying fashion.

"So explain to me why I don't believe you?" Roy said, a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, Don't you worry Mr. Mustang!" Suo smiled, handing off his now snoozing son to Mannen (he would have handed Aki over to Akane if she hadn't been smoking), "We can prove we're telling the truth!"

* * *

He strode over to Akane. 

"Give me the ruh-" he began to say, extending one hand.

"**No**." Akane snapped, taking a step away from him.

"Monkey, Just for a-!" Suo sighed tiredly.

"**_NO!_**" Akane snarled, hand diving instinctively into the pocket where the remote was housed, "This **damn thing** is **_responsible_** for **everythin'** that's currently wrong with my life! No way in **_hell_** 'm I givin' it back t' you!"

"C'mon sis!" Kazuo begged, "Please?"

"If we don't, they'll never believe us!" Takaomi said with a smirk as a thought filled his head.

"We'd be stuck here for**_ehhhh-_ver.**" he said in a singsong voice.

Akane visibly paled.

"Besides, we won't make you play tour guide like last time. Promise!" Mannen said with a wink.

"Damn straight you wont. "Akane growled, pulling out a zipdisk that hung around her neck on a thick chain, "If you do, THIS gets spread around th' internet faster than Th' Numa Numa Dance, along with everything I know about you guys starting from the time you were conceived!" (see ch. : series 2)

"Deal." Suo said, sweating a bit as Akane, glaring viciously, tossed him the remote.

"Alright everybody." Kazuo said cheerfully as Hawkeye and Armstrong re-entered the room, "Sit back, hold on, don't yell!"

Suo pressed the button and Akane closed her eyes in dread.

* * *

_-BLP-_

"**_Oomph!_**" Akane grunted as she bounced off the sofa and onto the floor.

She rolled to her feet experimental pressing a sore spot in her ribcage with her fingertip.

"Tell me everyone, could I've have been anymore graceful?" she asked sarcastically.

No answer.

"Huh?" Akane blinked, looking around, "Hey, what's with th' silent treatment?"

That's when she realized…she had returned home alright, this was definitely her living room…but she had been sent back by herself.

She recalled that little talk her brother had given that last group of freaks about the schematics andd sporadic landings.

This meant her brothers, her nephew, her best friends and those freakazoids could be anywhere on the face of the planet right now.

"Suo, remind me t' knock yer skinny ho ass back t' last year th' next time I see ya." Akane muttered, walking to the front door.

* * *

"What th'?" Ed murmured, feeling the searing heat bearing down on his face, "**_AL?_** **You ok?**" 

He waited for a response that never came.

"Al?" he asked again, a bit more tentatively this time as he took in his surroundings.

A desert.

He was in the desert…alone.

No Al, Mustang or weirdoes in sight.

"Man, hope Al's in a better situation that I am." Ed thought to himself, removing his jacket and draping it over his head.

* * *

"**_Brother?_**" Al called out from his spot in a tree. 

He was unsure of where he was at the present, but knew it was a forest and that he was currently being stared down by a stag, protecting his mate who grazed nearby with her fawn.

Al drew in a breath and climbed carefully down the tree, backing away slowly.

"E-easy, big guy!" Al said quietly, "I'm not gonna hurt you."

The stag regarded him coldly, before going to join the doe in grazing.

"Phew." Al sighed, bringing a metallic hand to his chest, "…I wonder where everyone is?"

* * *

"Mm?" Armstrong blinked staring at the unfamiliar ocean side, "What is all this?" 

"_**Ooo!**_ Whadda **HUNK!**"

"Lookat those **_MUSCLES!_**"

"**Flex for us,_ baby!_**"

Armstrong turn to see a group of scantily clad, twenty something girls squealing at him.

Never one to turn down an opportunity to show off the muscles he had worked so hard on, he began strutting his stuff, bringing more squeals from the girls.

* * *

"Where th' hell am I?" Roy muttered, clamoring to his feet. 

A pair of hands abruptly clasped around his wrists and Roy Mustang suddenly found himself swinging through the air.

"**Whuh-whuh-_WHOA!_**" he cried, gaping in terror at the face of the twenty something year old that was now his only life line.

"Was ist los?" she asked smilingly, "Der Sie kein a der Teil von die Aufführung?" (the German translations are choppy folks!)

"**_EEEYAAAAAUGH!_**" Roy screamed as she let go, sending him flipping through the air.

* * *

"**MMMRR.**" A cow groaned, ambling past Hawkeye. 

Hawkeye stared at the cow.

The cow stared at Hawkeye.

Hawkeye patted the patted the bovine's muzzle and moved on.

"Better find the others." She murmured, not noticing the fact that she had a ton stalker.

* * *

Hughes stared about him, trying to get a grasp of things. 

"Hey, mister!"

Hughes looked in the direction from which the voice had originated.

It belonged to a tanned, skinned kneed, smudged face little boy.

"How long're ya gonna hog th' swings, mate?" he asked testily, tapping his foot.

"**_Oh!_** I'm sorry!" Hughes said sheepishly, vacating the playset.

* * *

"Well guys…any guesses as to where we landed?" Suo asked sheepishly, arms still wrapped around his sleeping son. 

"Um, lemme think…no?" Kazuo said snickering.

"Well, let's see." Takaomi drawled smirkingly, "We're surrounded by penguins-"

"-walls on all sides!" Mannen added.

"-and spectators above." Suo sighed.

"_ZOO._" They said together.

"The only question is…where?" Kazuo said with a laugh.

"We'll sort out those details later." Mannen smirked.

"Let's get outta here." Suo grinned.

* * *

"Hino?" Sora asked warily.

"Yeah Sora?" Hinode replied, just as nervously.

"**WHERE TH' HELL _ARE_ WE?**" They sobbed, their cries echoing out over the ocean, completely unheard.

Of course.

The two would be the ones to land on a remote desert island.

* * *

(A/N: It's now a world wide search to track down the FMA chara's, her missing family member's and friends! Whaddle be the first stop? R&R!)

* * *

_**TRANSLATIONS:**_

"Was ist los?" - "What's th' matter?"

"Der Sie kein a der Teil von die Aufführung?" - "Aren't you a part of the show?"


	14. Let the Search Commence!

(A/N: SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! The German translations took me FOR-EH-VER! And they're STILL rough as HELL! Guh! Anyhoo, on with the ficcy!)

* * *

"God…my brothers're more trouble than they're worth." Akane muttered as the helicopter soared through the air. 

She gazed through a pair of binoculars at the landscape below, looking for any sign of her missing friends.

And the animanga charas.

The sooner she was rid of them, the better her life would be.

"Th' shit's reeeeeeeeally hit th' fan this time Suo." Akane murmured coolly, "What could go wrong he says, it'll be fiiiine he says. Fuck you, retard."

"Lady Kakyoin, do you see that?" the pilot asked suddenly, disrupting Akane's rant.

Refocusing, Akane stared through the magnifying glass of the binoculars to see two tiny figures moving stones into the shape of a giant S.O.S. signal on the beach below.

"Well…two down." She muttered under her breath with derisive snort, "Take'er down, Ryo."

"Right away, miss." Ryo nodded, maneuvering the controls.

* * *

"**_Hino!_ LOOK!**" Sora shrieked hearing the chopper blades slicing through the air. 

"**Zee _plane!_ Zee _plane!_**" Hinode cried, quoting Fantasy Island and tossing the stone she threw into the air.

"Not quite right, but close enough for all practical purposes." Sora squealed joyfully, doing a little dance.

"Its still our ticket **off** this rock!" Hinode shouted in agreement, "**HEY!_ HEEEEEEEEEYYEEEE!_ OVER _HERE!_**"

"…no need t' yell, gawd." A familiar voice laced with annoyance snorted from above them in a louder than normal voice.

"**Aka-chan?**" Sora cried in disbelief.

"Th' one an' only." The midnight-blue haired girl said derisively.

"**We're _saved!_**" Hinode cheered (anyone else would have said quite the opposite dearie)

"Yuh-yuh-yuh." Akane grunted, throwing down a rope ladder, "All aboard."

"How did you ever find us so fast?" Sora asked excitedly, gloming onto her friend once aboard.

"…you're only twenty miles from my house, dumbass." Akane said blandly, crossing her legs and folding her arms.

"…y-you're kidding right?" Hinode asked in disbelief, twitching a little.

Akane shook her head back and forth.

"Nope." She replied coolly.

"But-but the **_island-!_**" Sora sputtered.

"-was a peninsula." Akane said dryly, mouth twisting into a familiar smirk.

The Otaku Twins shrank down in their seats, mortified blushes spreading across their faces.

* * *

"Oi. Ryo!" Akane called back up to the cockpit, "Take us back up willya? We have a **LOT** more t' find." 

"Roger miss." Ryo replied officiously.

"A lot more?" Hinode blinked.

"Whaddya mean a lot more?" Sora asked.

"…do you really think that you were th' only ones who got tossed like a bad credit card?" Akane asked shaking her head, "**_EVERYBODY_**, save fer me, was hucked t' **GAWD** only knows where."

"**_WHAT!_**" Hinode and Sora shrieked.

"And if I ever wanna get rid a those freaks fer good, 'm gonna hafta find'em." The lilac eyed teen groaned tetchily, "Will this shit ever end?"

"Well just don't** sit** there!" Hinode screeched at the pilot.

"**_Yeah!_**" Sora yelled in agreement, "Get this bucket a bolts** moving!**"

"And so it begins." Akane muttered, massaging her temples, "Let's just get this over with. I kinda started a tire fire so th' sooner we finish this, th' better."

* * *

"Guh-huh…huh-huh…d-damn it…why does th' desert…hafta be so…so hot?" Ed wheezed as he trudged along thru the scorching sands. 

"Hey…hey kid!" a girlish voice called.

Ed chose to ignore it the first time.

"Kid!" it said again, a little impatiently.

"**DON'T CALL ME _KID_ DAMNIT!**" Ed bellowed whirling around to face the speaker.

"**Jeez!** _**Sorrrrr-ee!**_" a well endowed, bikini clad teen snorted, "I just wanted to know if you, like, wanted something t' drink, ungrateful jerk."

She turned on her heel and proceeded to walk over a sand dune.

Ed gaped after her.

"**Huh-hey** **_WAIT!_**" he cried, dashing after her over the dune…

…to find to his amazement that a beach, swarming with people was just on the other side, not twenty feet away.

Snapping out of his daze, he located the girl making her way through the crowds and managed to catch up.

"**Hey!**" he cried, gripping her arm, "Can you tell me where I am?"

"How can you **_not_** know?" she snorted derisively, swatting his hand away, "Waikiki, **DUH!**"

"Where is that?" Ed asked patience quickly dissipating.

"Hawaii, **_god _**your slow." She laughed walking away.

"_WHERE THE HELL IS HAWAII?"_ Ed thought in a panic.

"Well if it isn't little Ed Elric." A familiar voice said mildly to his right.

"**DON'T CALL ME _LITTLE _ARMSTR**-Hollee cow." Ed mumbled, taking note of the horde of scantily clad beach bunnies draping themselves all over the muscle bound man.

"Who's this, big guy?" one asked, "Friend of yours?"

"Yes, this is my comrade in arms, Edward Elric." Armstrong replied.

"**_Ooo!_** I **love it** when you talk like that!" another squealed.

"Brains **_AND_** brawn! **MM-_MM_-MMM!**" a third said licking her lips.

"Y-yeah." Edward said slowly, beginning to feel very nervous, "I was just wondering if I-!"

"Oh **_wow!_** Just **lookat** this little cutie!" a fourth girl cooed, "Are you thirsty little man?"

"**_I'M NOT L-!_**" Ed began to scream before his mind registered the offer and he took a shuddering breath, "…yess'm."

"Well if you're a friend of this beefcake, your cool with us shorty!" a fifth grinned, "Let's pump this little guy with soda and milkshakes!"

Ed bit his own tongue to keep himself from screaming in rage as he nodded frantically.

* * *

"**Hey!** Hey **you!** **_Miss!_**" 

Hawkeye glanced over her shoulder at an elderly man hobbling towards her, pitchfork in hand.

"Whaddre you doin' in my cattle yards?" he growled, holding up the pitchfork threateningly.

"…I really have no idea." Hawkeye replied calmly, "When I came to, I was here."

The old man scratched his bald spot, and peered at her.

"Ehh…izzat so?" he muttered, "'spose it can't be helped then can it?"

Hawkeye shook her head.

"Well, yuh can't stay there. Yer disturbin' my cows." The old man grunted turning around.

"Can you tell me where I am sir?" Hawkeye asked, moving to follow him.

"Besides in my fields?" he replied, without turning around, "North Platte, Nebraska."

Hawkeye blinked, the only visual show of surprise.

"_North Platte, Nebraska?"_ she thought to herself as she continued to tail the elderly man, _"Where on earth is that?"

* * *

_

"Th-That…that was…" Roy choked out between strangled gasps.

"Est tut mir leid." The trapeze artist said soothingly, placing a cup of hot tea in his hands, "Geht es Ihnen gut?"

Roy stared at the cup in his hands and stared glassily at the woman standing over him.

"Where am I?" he asked dully.

The trapeze artist blinked down at him and smiled sheepishly.

"Est tut mir leid, Ich spreche kein Englisch!" she smiled, "Aberwenn Sie wollen zu wissen, Sie ein in Munich, Germany mein der Freund!"

Roy knew no German, but he **HAD** managed to pick up the word Munich from her fluid, unfamiliar tongue.

"Oh **_GODS!_**" he moaned, allowing his face to fall appropriately into his hands as the trapeze artist stared at him perplexed,"What **ELSE** is going to happen to me today?"

* * *

(A/N: Who will be next to be found? Where did everyone else land? R&R!)

* * *

**German to English Translations** _(they're rough, I know! So sue me -pouts in the corner next to the shame closet-)_

"Est tut mir leid." -"I'm sorry."

"Geht es Ihnen gut?" - "Are you alright?"

"Est tut mir leid, Ich spreche kein Englisch!" - "I'm sorry, I don't speak English!"

"Aberwenn Sie wollen zu wissen, Sie ein in Munich, Germany mein der Freund!"- "But in case you're wondering, you're in Munich, Germany my friend!"


	15. Assistance, Locals and TRACKING CHIPS?

(A/N: Hey all! If you've forgotten who I am, its Shinigami Goumon! Sorry I've taken so long. But I hope you'll enjoy this next chappie!)

* * *

"Oh…I've gotta get out of here." Al moaned, making his way through the dense brush of the forest, coming close to trampling a family of squirrels.

He had been wandering aimlessly for the better part of three hours and was beginning to really get frustrated.

Finally, after he was very close to giving up, he saw something that nearly made him somersault with joy: a clearing in the distance.

With a happy whoop, he ran at top speed for it…

**_-SKREEEEEE-EEEEEEE-_**

…and came within inches of being hit by a truck.

"**WHAT TH'_ HELL?_**" The female driver screamed leaping out from behind the driver's seat, "**WERE YA_ TRYNA_ KILL YERSELF?_ GAWD!_**"

"I…I…I'm very sorry ma'am." Al said meekly, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

It looked as though the driver was about to scream at him again, but a look of recognition crossed her face.

"Oh…**my** god." She breathed, "I know you! Get in! **_Quick!_** **Quick!** Before someone sees you!Namely my friends!"

She hurriedly shooed the once twelve year old now suit of armor into the truck bed and wrapped a blanket (that she was sposda be transporting to her grandmother's) around him.

"Um, thank you Miss…?" Al trailed off, looking down at the girl who was rushing back to the cab of the truck.

"**_Oh!_** Kendra! Kendra Souza!" she grinned as she hopped behind the wheel, "No 'Miss' tho' please. I hate formalities. It makes me feel like an old lady and I'm only twenty one!"

"Okay then." Al nodded, "It's nice to meet you Kendra."

"It's nice to meet **YOU** in the flesh…suit…whatever." Kendra grinned as she started the engine.

"Um…Mi-I mean Kendra?" Al asked, pulling the blanket tighter around him, "Do you mind telling me where I am?"

"Well, Al, you had the unfortunate luck of landing in Monroe, Washington." Kendra snorted after sliding open the rear window so they could talk, "The most boring place on the face of the earth save for North Platte, Nebraska."

"Really?" Al blinked, "That bad."

"Yuh." Kendra smirked wryly, rolling her eyes as she pulled back onto the road, "People around here are the type who get excited to the point of pissing themselves when a store gets a new coat of paint or a new shipment of potatoes."

"Wow…that is bad." Al said in amazement, eyes wide.

"And I've been trapped in it's black vortex of evil forover ten years." Kendra moaned," How sucky is that?"

* * *

"Huh…ones on the move, Kakyoin-sama." Ryo called from the cockpit, "And fast!". 

"Thank god for Suo's tracking chip obsession." Akane muttered, "I swear ta god, that's th' _**only**_ thing that idiot's good for!" (HEY! That idiot's puttin' a roof over your head!)

"**FOLLOW THAT BLIP!**" Sora screamed, streaking towards the cockpit.

Akane calmly stretched her leg out and tripped the purple haired teen.

"I'm not gonna let you endanger the life of my pilot cuz of your sick obsession." She snorted.

Hinode had taken up Sora's tempo and was on her way to the cockpit in her best friend's stead.

"**GET TH' _LEAD _OUT YA LAZY BAS-_GLGH!_**" Hinode gagged as Akane grabbed ahold of the nape of her turtleneck.

"Don't harass my pilot." Akane barked as Hinode joined Sora on the floor, "That's **my** job!"

"Um, is everything alright back there, Kakyoin-sama?" Ryo asked tentatively.

"**_Yeh-es_**." Akane called indifferently, pinning her now squealing friends to the metal floor with her feet as she multitasked (using them as footrest and keeping them from assaulting the pilot), "Just follow the moving target kay? I wanna get this shitover with and go home."

"Yes Kakyoin-sama." Ryo replied, increasing his speed.

* * *

Colonel Hughes let loose a fevered sigh. 

He was overheating in a big bad way.

His dark blue military uniform was absorbing so much sunlight, so fast, that he really could no longer see any rational reason for keeping on the outer layer.

He began unbuttoning his military regulation jacket and had barely unfastened the second button when a shadow fell over him.

"G'day there mate. You seem a bit outta sorts."

Colonel Hughes glanced up to see a boy in his early teens smiling down at him as he took in his military uniform.

"Yes, well, I suppose I should be, seeing as I have no idea where I am." Hughes smiled sheepishly, removing his coat, "The only thing I know about it really is that it's really hot."

The teen burst out laughing, thinking that Hughes had to be joking, but when he saw no change in expression, he quieted down.

"Why, you're in Sydney, Australia mate!" the boy laughed, "Man, you really are a long way from home arentcha?"

"Moreso than I thought!" Hughes chuckled tiredly.

"Well, come on!" the boy grinned, "You'll pass out from heatstroke in those clothes. I'll have m' dad loan ya some. Th' names Logan!"

"Maes Hughes." He replied, "Thank you very much."

* * *

"Huh…hot pants, hot pants and more hot pants." Mannen smirked, observing all the twenty something's parading around in the shorts that barely served their function. 

"Palm trees, over priced sports cars, nose jobs all around…" Suo snickered, taking in all the plastic faces of the people walking past.

"Gentlemen, we're in Beverly Hills." Takaomi chuckled, shaking his head as a woman who obviously had had **_waaaaaaay_** too many face lifts strolled past.

"Egotism Capital of the World." Kazuo snorted as the woman threw them what appeared to be a dirty look as she stormed past huffily.

"Well, at least we have a general idea of where we are now." Mannen sighed, scratching his head, "Better give Monkey a call."

"Ya think she's still pissed?" Suo asked, dialing in the number.

"Ho yeah." Takaomi smirked at his elder brother, relieving him of Aki, who was now awake and looking around at the strange surrounding with a curious look in his eyes.

"Definitely." Kazuo nodded, mouth twisting in a vindictive grin.

"'kay. Just so there's no confusion." Suo said, passing the phone to Takaomi.

* * *

_They see me rollin'._

_They hatin'._

_Patrolin, they trna catch me ridin' drrty_

_Tryna catch me ridin' drrty, tryna catch me ridin' drrty tryna catch me-_

**_-bleep-_**

"**Whaddya want, _asshole?_**" Akane snarled viciously, instantaneously recognizing the ringtone she selected for Suo."

"Aww, Monkey, I'm hurt." Takaomi said teasingly over the phone, "I always thought that we had something special!"

"**_Taka_, quit bein' a _'tard!_**" Akane snapped, face pinkening from frustration, "Just tell me where you are!"

"What fun would that be?" Takaomi asked tauntingly.

"**_You'll tell me or I'll leave ya there ta ROT!_**" Akane screeched.

"Fine, fine, don't get all pissy." Takaomi laughed, "We're in Beverly Hills, kay? Feel better?"

"Hmph." Akane growled, "I grab ya after we pick up whoever this other blip is. See ya in a bit. And take care of Aki!"

"When do we not?" Takaomi asked, faking sounding wounded.

"Need a list." Akane snorted as she hung up.

"Who was that?" Hinode asked, now out from under Akane's feet because she promised to behave.

"Dya really need t' ask?" Akane sighed exasperatedly.

"Your brothers huh?" Sora nodded in acknowledgement, also free because she swore she'd be good.

"Yuh." Akane muttered, "Hey Ryo? After we pick up the first blip, we're swingin' by Beverly Hills."

"Yes, Lady Kakyoin." Ryo nodded, "As you wish."

* * *

(A/N: Who'll be picked up first? What obstacles will pop up? R&R to find out!)


	16. Get On Or ELSE!

(A/N: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Sorry this took forever! But here's the next chappie, complete with translation notes at the end! Enjoy!)

* * *

"**_Haaaaa_**…that is so much better." Hughes sighed, walking along inhis borrowed shorts and t-shirt, "Thank you so much Logan."

"Not a problem mate." Logan grinned toothily, "Glad t' help."

**_-WHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHP-_**

A huge surge of air blasted down on the two, gusting off the ground and making their lightweight clothing billow.

"Well would ya lookit that." Logan whistled, staring up at the helicopter that was bearing down on them, "Y' don't see that everyday now do ya?"

"Wh-what **is** that?" Hughes mumbled out numbly, confused and a little unnerved as he had never seen such a contraption before.

It it was huge and metallic and had a body that slightly resembled that of a dragonfly's...but there was the matter of the huge, rotating blades that made it look very threatening and completley unlike it's insect counter part.

"That's a chopper, mate." Loga replied, eyebrow raising slightly, "You weren't kiddin' when y' said you were out of it were ya?"

"No…" Hughes replied slowly as a rope ladder was tossed out of the noisy thing and two familiar faces poked out.

"**_Hyuu-san!_**" the teal haired girl cried, waving furiously, "Noboru! **Isoginasai!**"

"**_Hyuu-san!_**" The purple haired teen said, looking relieved, "Hontouni ureshii daijoubu!"

Staring at the rope ladder vacantly for a few seconds, Hughes quite sudden jerked from his daze by something smacking viciously into his skull: a black, steel-toed combat boot to be exact.

"**Hey RETARD!**" an all too familiar, acerbic female voice shouted, "**Getcher awfully, animated ass _UP HERE_ YOU _CHOAD!_**"

"Sweet girl." Logan smirked, shaking his head sympathetically as Hughes began to climb, "Love'er fangs."

"Thank you for everything." Hughes smiled sheepishly as he ascended the ladder.

* * *

Hinode and Sora grunted loudly as they tugged Hughes aboard the helicopter. 

"Doko no miku, Kakyoin-sama?" a voice asked from the cockpit.

"Munich, Germany." Akane replied coolly, glaring ferally at Hughes as she tugged off her other boot so as to have some sort of symmetry.

"Hyuu-san, daijoubu ka?" Sora asked.

"I-I'm terribly sorry but-" Hughes began only to have Akane interrupt him with a snarl.

"She asked if yer alright, **jackass.**" She growled ferociously, switching her foot back and forth in agitation, "Waste a energy in my opinion."

"Um…could you tell her I'm fine? Please?" Hughes asked carefully.

"**_Tch._** This. Is so…" Akane growled, before switching around and barking at her friends, "Ossan no shiru."

Panicked looks filled both girls faces and they were on Maes in a matter of seconds.

"**SHIRU?**" Sora screeched, stamping her feet, "**_IIE!_ IIE! _IIE!_ IIE! _IIE!_**"

"**MEIIS-KUN HI _YURUSU_ SHIRU!**" Hinode sobbed hysterically.

Maes could only stare in bewilderment and couldn't even begin to guess what Akane could have told the Otaku Twins to make them react this way.

"**_DAMARE-YO__NO_ _BAKARO!_**" Akane bellowed, "**OSSAN NO _DAIJOUBU!_**…ahou."

The two fell instantly silent as looks of the utmost relief flooded both Sora and Hinode's faces and Hughes could only assume that Akane must have told them he was fine…or…at least something to that effect.

* * *

Roy sobbed quietly, head in his hands, as a contortionist handed him a plate of food with her foot. 

All this German was giving him a perforated ulcer!

You would think all this spandex and skimpy clothing would have put Roy in seventh heaven, but no.

Most of the performers in the show were male, and rarely shaved, so there went the idea of heaven right down the drain.

"Eh? What's that?" the trapeze artist from earlier asked distractedly, glancing out of the tent as a huge flurry of wind gusted through.

**_-WHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHP-_**

The blanket one of the performers had draped over Roy's shoulders was blown away to parts unknown as the helicopter peered into the tent.

"**HEY _ASSHOLE!_**"

Roy's head snapped up at that familiar, grating voice: Akane, her long, midnight-blue hair flying about her, face contorted in a look of extreme disgust.

"**GETCHER _ANIME ASS_ IN GEAR!**" she shouted.

Roy didn't need to told twice.

He was on that odd contraption fast than you could say _"YIPEE!"_

Hughes looked at his commander in a concerned manner and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"Don't worry, sir." He said soothingly, "It'lll all be over soon."

"Remind me that the first thing I need to do when we get back…is learn at least two words of German." Roy mumbled into his knees.

"Why German, Roy?" Hughes asked mildly surprised.

"**JUST _DO IT!_**" Roy snapped.

"Y…yes sir." Hughes replied nervously, worried about his commander's current mental state.

Completely ignoring this little production, Akane stalked back up to the cockpit and drawled out coolly, "Hawaii, Ryu, and fer th' love a **GAWD** make it fast."

"Yes ma'am." The pilot nodded, increasing speed as the sounds of Roy's yells as Sora and Hinode tackle glomped him were heard emanating from the cabin.

* * *

"Get a-**_WAY _FROM ME!**" Ed yelled, running around a beach umbrella, only to find himself trapped by a pair of awaiting, suntanned arms. 

"_**GOTCHA!**_" a giggly teenage beach bunny squealed as she captured the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Way t' **GO** Nadine!" an equally tanned girl cried, dashing over.

"**_HEEEEE!_** He's **_soooooooooo_** **kyoot!**" another cooed, pinching Ed's cheeks.

"**_AHMSTWONG!_ HELF MEH!**" Ed shouted at the muscular man, currently flexing for a rapidly growing group of beach bunnies.

But Armstrong couldn't hear poor Ed's cries for help over the high pitched harpy shrieks of the bikini clad girls and continued to show off his ample muscles.

Suddenly, sand began to fly into the eyes of the beach bunnies for no apparent reason, causing them to scream in pain.

The bikini clad girl holding Ed captive released him almost immediately to let her hands fly to her eyes, and Ed took full advantage of this and bolted.

But he didn't get far.

**_-WHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHPWHP-_**

The strangest looking contraption Ed had ever seen in his life swooped down from the sky, blowing beach towels, umbrellas and sand everywhere.

"Well what's all this?" Armstrong asked mildly as Hughes popped his head out of the strange thing.

"Hey you two! Hurry and get in quick!" he cried, "Akane isn't in the mood to wait around!"

Ed was a little hesitant to climb aboard the strange contraption but was given little to no choice as a pair of hands gripped him by the shoulders and tugged him inside.

Armstrong required no help and leapt easily aboard.

Akane shot them both a glare that could kill, resurrect and kill again.

"California, Ryu." Akane hissed venomously, eyes never leaving the anime charas, "Don't. Make. Me. Wait."

"Yes ma'am." Ryu said officiously, maneuvering the helicopter back into the air as Ed shrank back in a corner.

"Eddu-kun, daijoubu ka?" Hinode asked, touching his arm.

"Huhwuh?" he blinked, seriously confused.

"I think she's asking you if you're okay, Ed." Roy said, sounding a bit more stable.

"Oh." Ed said, "Well I will be…_once we're away from that crazy bitch._" he added under his breath.

"I _**heard**_ that." Akane snarled.

"**HEEP!**" Ed squeaked.

* * *

(A/N: Next to be rescued? Al and the Fucked Up Five! But wait! Surprise visitors? Who can they be? R&R!)

* * *

**_TRANSLATIONS:_**

**"Hyuu-san! Noboru! Isoginasai!"** – "Hughes! Climb up! Hurry!"

**"Hyuu-san! Hontouni ureshii daijoubu!"** – "Hughes! I'm so glad you're okay!"

**"Doko no miku, Kakyoin-sama?"** – "Where to next, Lady Kakyoin?"

**"Hyuu-san, daijoubu ka?"** – "Hughes, are you alright?"

**"Ossan no shiru."** – "He's dying."

**"SHIRU? IIE! IIE! IIE! IIE! IIE!"** – "DYING? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

**"MEIIS-KUN HI YURUSU SHIRU!"** – "MAES ISN'T ALLOWED TO DIE!"

**"DAMARE-YO NO BAKARO! OSSAN NO DAIJOUBU!…ahou."** – "SHADDAP RETARDS! HE'S FINE!…morons."

**"Eddu-kun, daijoubu ka?"** – "Ed, you alright?"


	17. It CAN'T Be True! NOO!

(A/N: I'm a-live! Surprising huh? I've been busy with finals and my latest work, "Trouble Times Five" Check it out after you finish this chappy if ya want,kay? READ ON!)

* * *

"Whaddya thinks takin'er so long?" Kazuo asked, jiggling his foot in nervous tension. 

"Hey, she has ten people to pick up." Suo sighed.

"Not exactly much she can do about it." Takaomi shrugged.

"Speakin' a which…" Mannen smirked as the sound of chopper blades sliced through the city air like a sword.

Aki awakened with a start and began to wail loudly as the rope ladder was tossed down and Akane poked her head out.

"**HAND'M UP!**" she yelled, stretching her arms towards her bawling nephew.

Suo did as he was told, in no position to back talk to his younger half sibling as A) she was rescuing him B) it was his own fault this situation happened in the first place and C) while able to deal with her mood swings, Suo just wasn't in the mood to deal with a blood-lusty Akane.

As the rest of the Fucked Up Five clamored up the ladder, it was all they could do to keep themselves from falling back to the blacktop below at the sight that met their eyes: Ed, Roy, Maes and Armstrong, eyes wide in disbelief as Akane babytalked Aki in a soft, loving voice.

"Well…it's a party." Kazuo snickered as Aki quieted down and Sora and Hinode tackle-glomped him.

"Kazu!" Sora cried in Japanese, "We missed you sooooooo much!"

"Are you okay?" Hinode asked, "You didn't get hurt at all?"

"Nope." Mannen grinned, "We're fine."

"Never been better." Takaomi smirked.

"Washington State, Ryu." Akane said calmly, jiggling her nephew a little and ignoring the FMA cast's jaws on the floor, "We still have two more members of the Freak Brigade."

* * *

"Um Ms-I mean Kendra-" Al stammered in the strange woman's garage, where she was currently giving him a rub down with silver polish and steel wool. 

"Nikki." She retorted, targeting a spot on his lower back, "And what is it?"

"Um…your friends…" Al said cautiously, "Would they really do all the things you said they would?"

"_**Hooooo**_ yeah." Kendra replied, dabbing more polish on the brillowy surface of the steel wool, "They give a whole new meaning to the word 'Obsessed'. **Especially** my friend Kristen. She has the biggest Ed fixation I've ever seen and **Remi **would chop you up and sell you on **e-Bay** if she got the chance."

"Wh-what about…you?" Al asked carefully.

"You don't hafta worry." Kendra said blandly, now working on the back of hiss head, "I'm a Jin, Sesshoumaru, Uchiha Itachi, Duo Maxwell girl myself."

"Oh." Al said, not knowing what in the world that meant, "I…I see."

Kendra came around so she was in front of him and grinned.

"You're just not my speed, boy-o." Kendra replied, applying a layer of polish to his chest, "Nuthin' to worry about."

"Okay." Al replied, sounding slightly relieved.

"All done, and it sounds like I finished just in time, too." Kendra smirked, hearing the sound of chopper blade whirring far too close to her garage.

The metal garage door was abruptly punched in by a disgruntled looking fifteen year old with midnight blue hair.

"**You! _Helicopter!_ In! _NOW!_**" she snarled, grabbing Al by a metallic wrist and hauling him out of the garage.

"Um b-bye Kendra! **Thanksforeverything!**" Al called quickly as Akane heaved him into the awaiting helicopter.

"No prob dude!" Kendra grinned, waving to him as the chopper on her front lawn took flight, "Take of yourself, ya hear?"

* * *

"**_Al!_**" 

Al found himself momentarily blind as Ed covered him in what would've been to anyone else, a smothering hug.

"Man I missed you!" Ed said, stepping back, nearly blinded by how shiny Al was, "Man…whaddid you do to yourself?"

"Umm...Kendra…a local she polished me up." Al said sheepishly, "You see, I was covered in mud from trekking in the woods so she decided to clean me, and since I looked a little dull, she gave me a polish too."

"Well that was nice of her." Suo said, nodding as Akane barked at Ryu, telling him to get this bucket of bolts to Nebraska.

Before Al had chance to respond, a pair of purple and teal blurs launched themselves at him, sending him crashing to the ground, awakening Aki with a heart wrenching wail, and sending Akane into a fit of rage the likes of which the world had never seen.

* * *

"Hey there missy. How goes it?" 

Riza Hawkeye glanced up from tending the elderly farmer's sheep.

"Just fine. And how about you sir?" she asked calmly.

Hawkeye, in the time since landing in North Platte, had been taken in by the old farmer and had been working on his farm to pay her room and board.

She found farm life quite relaxing and found herself thinking of beginning a savings fund to buy her own place and start a farm of her own here one day.

A ewe butted her head against Hawkeye's hand, demanding that she pet her.

Hawkeye complied and breathed in a deep breath of country air, sighing deeply.

It was just. Too. **_BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!_**

Hawkeye knew that if she stayed here for another week, she'd go on a killing spree.

Fortunately for her, the helicopter blades overhead were her salvation as Roy leaned out and yelled, "Oi! **_Riza!_** The Calvary's here!"

"_Thank GOD!"_ Hawkeye thought to herself, flying up the rope ladder, past Roy's open arms and into and into the last available seat.

Roy pouted a moment before the airplane took to the air again with all five brother's restraining Akane as she fought with every once of strength she possessed to get free and maim every last one of the animanga chara's present.

Sora and Hinode were still glommed onto Al as he frantically tried to shake them off.

Ed was chasing after Al in a fruitless attempt to help his little brother remove the Otaku Twins from his back.

Maes was comforting Aki in Akane's place (as she was too blinded by rage at her nephew being awakened to do it herself) and reflecting what he could have possibly done to have deserved such a fate as this.

Armstrong had gone down for a nap and dreamed of his mother, burbling contentedly to himself as Ryu turned the helicopter back towards Japan.

However, what nobody knew was that they had a welcome party awaiting their arrival.

* * *

_-Two Hours Later-_

"**_We're home!_**" Takaomi whooped as Akane leapt out of the chopper before it even touched down.

"**FINALLY!**" she cried as she hit the ground running and dashed towards the house (koff-mansion-koff) at breakneck speed.

She hurled open the doors, Sora and Hinode at her heels, only to have her eyes widen in horror, then narrow in disgust.

"What…are you freaks doin' here?" Akane snarled, shooting a glare that killed the surrounding flora and fauna.

"Nice to see **_you_** too." Duo said sarcastically as Wufei rolled his eyes.

"Hey, that's no way to greet your guests!" Naruto grinned mischievously as Sakura massaged her temples and Gaara walked out of the kitchen, deep in conversation with Heero about combat tactics.

"What the hell?" Ed muttered coming up behind her.

"What the **fucks** goin' **_on_** here?" Mannen cried.

Suo ran in just as Temari, chatting with Relena and Dorothy ambled through the living room.

"Oh god...what th'?" Suo cried just as Akane's fist collided with the side of his face.

"**_FIX!_ IT! _NOW!_**" She screamed.

"**_EEEEE!_ Heero-kun!**" Sora shrieked dashing into the living room, "**Hina-chan! Shikamaru-kun! Chouji-kun!**"

"**_QUATRE-CHAMAAAAA!_**" Hinode squealed, glomping onto the blonde, "**_Itachi-chan!_ Kisame-kun!** **_EW!_** **What's _Orochimaru_ doing here?**"

"**I DON'T _CARE_ WHAT THESE FREAKS'RE DOING HERE!**" Akane bellowed, "**MAKE THEM GO AWAY RIGHT _NOW!_**"

"What on earth is going on?" Maes asked dazedly.

"Hey, join the party." Duo grinned.

"Brother, I'm really confused." Al said muzzily.

"So'm I. Al. o'm I." Ed replied tiredly.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" Akane shrieked running up the stairs to her room, "**WHY ALWAYS ME?**"

* * *

(A/N: What th' fuck? They're BACK! All of them! In all of their animanga glory! But what th' hell's going on? Why're they there again? R&R) 


	18. RESET

(A/N: Hey there! Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Between my work, school and homewrok schedule, it's just been messy. Anyhoo, this is the last chappie. I hope you all like it! READ ON!)

* * *

"**SUO! _BAKARO!_ AHO! _DANI!_ WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, YOU _DIE!_**" Akane shrieked, slamming her fist repeatedly on the metal door, causing loud resonating clanging to echo throughout the house.

For all those wondering, Suo and Takaomi have locked Akane in the vault (it's ventilated!), for the safety of all anime characters present…as well as to cover their own asses.

"Okay…here's what I think happened." Suo said, massaging his temples as Relena and Temari got into a huge argument over each others fashion choices, "When I handled the remote last time, I must have hit two buttons at once: the BACK button and the REPEAT button."

"Well **_that_** would explain why I was pulled out of my **Jounin** final." Naruto grumbled irritably, Hinata tentatively patting his arm in a placating fashion (for all those wondering, yes they are a couple now)

"The battle with Mariemeia…**_how_** could you have dragged us back at such a crucial time?" Heero mumbled numbly, his knuckles white with fury (Endless Waltz baby. Love that movie)

"Don't look at me. I was just making lunch at the time. This doesn't actually effect me in any major way, really." Haruhi shrugged, still in her apron to prove her story true.

"But how are we going to get them out of here?" Mannen asked, looking a bit concerned when an large tremor rocked the house (Akane is setting off explosive in an attempt to free herself)

"Yeah, by the sound of it, you all don't have much time." Sakura said offhandedly, hoping that Sasuke, now that he had been dragged back with the rest of the Otonin, would finally pay her some attention.

"No kidding." Sora and Hinode observed, both looking quite dizzy from the Bishounen overload they was current…ehem…koff…quote-un-quote **suffering** from.

"**Would you get _away_ from me you creepy little worm?**" Dorothy screeched, currently fleeing from the equally snake-faced Orochimaru, who had taken one look at her and fallen in love.

"Well let's think about it, bro." Kazuo said, leaning over his elder sibling's shoulder, extracting the remote from his hand, "What button could we **_possibly_** push to remedy this little situation?"

"RESET." Mori said calmly from behind him, pointing to the button in question, before he caught sight of Kabuto make a less than appropriate advance towards his cousin, causing him to dash to his rescue.

"Now **why** didn't **_you_** think of that?" Takaomi asked, a playful smirk on his lips as Ed went after Neji, screaming like a four year old girl named Sally, for calling him a midget.

When another tremor shook the house, followed by the sound of something very heavy and made of metal hitting the floor reached their ears, all four brothers shared a look.

"Do it." Mannen said, as the familiar sounds of Akane's gunfire filled the halls.

Not needing to be told twice, Kazuo slammed his thumb down on the button.

* * *

The room as a who began to swirl and warp, as though it had suddenly been tossed into a blender, colors, people and things all merging together for one single instant. 

Then the world righted itself, the room coming into sharp focus, sans anime charas, Sora and Hinode (sent home)

Kazuo wondered why he was staring at his hand, but shook off the feeling as a sharp pain exploded in the back o f his head.

"Nice to see **you** **_too_**, sis." He remarked.

"What's the sitch?" Takaomi asked, ruffling her hair.

"It's time for Family Guy." Akane snorted, not attempting to wriggle free of her brother's grip, "Ya mind telling me why you're all on th' floor?"

"...I'm not really sure, shrimp." Mannen replied rising to his feet, "But we can figure that out later I suppose."

"**_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**"

"I better go take care of Aki." Suo remarked, rising to his feet to go and soothe his son.

"Meetcha in th' living room." Akane called offhandedly as Kazuo dusted himself off and Takaomi guided her into the living room.

"_Weird…I can't help but feel like I've forgotten something."_ They all thought as one, _"Meh…couldn't be that important if I went and forgot tho'."_

Owari

* * *

(TRANLASTIONS)

**SUO! _BAKARO!_ AHO! _DANI!_** - **SUO! YOU _BASTARD!_ YOU _ASS!_ YOU _CREEP! _**

* * *

(A/N: And that is that. I'm sorry I took so long to finish! But I'm glad you all enjoyed it. Look out for future stories of mine! Until then peeps!) 


End file.
